


A girlfriend for my husband

by siera2325



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Drama, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Love, Lust, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 13:54:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22950118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siera2325/pseuds/siera2325
Summary: Modern take on Sansa and SandorSandor broke Sansa's heart after breaking up with her and disappearing from her life.What happens when he is back to find she has new people in her life, a new friendship that means so much to her.
Relationships: Arya Stark/Gendry Waters, Bronn/Margaery Tyrell, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark, Tormund Giantsbane/Sansa Stark
Comments: 30
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that's been floating around in my head.  
Hope you like it, if you don't that's ok too.  
Obviously I don't own any of the characters  
Also my first time posting anything on here, I am usually just avid fan x

Chapter one – “the land of the living”  
A busy, sweaty, loud night club was the last place Sansa wanted to be on her Friday night after a long week at work, but she had been guilted, convinced then guilted again by her sister/housemate Arya and her other housemate/friend Brienne being told by them that it was in fact time to join “the land of the living” informing her that her life of work and Netflix was not a healthy existence for a 22 year old women and was more suited to a 55 year old women who lived at home with her 20 cats.  
So it was here she found herself, in the line with countless drunk, fun loving people who were all ready to let their hair down and enjoy a night of unknown adventures, prowling for lovers, having a laugh or taking various substances to escape, they were all here.  
Sansa knew that this definitely wasn’t her scene, it never had been, she wasn’t a casual fling girl or the kind that took drugs to escape, she had slept with 2 men her entire life, the first being a huge mistake, him taking advantage of her naivety and her false impressions on what she thought the world of love was.  
Joffrey was his name and he was a monster, she was lucky to have broken away from him when she did, shuddering to think what would have become of her if she hadn’t broken it off after the first time they had sex, that night she had seen something in his eyes that was cruel, repulsive and evil, he was only interested in himself and it was no surprise to her when he died of an over dose just months later, she didn’t feel one spec of sorrow when she heard the news, her only thought being of relief and that the world was in fact a better place without him in it. 

Then there was the other guy. It was her 20th Birthday when she had first laid eyes on Sandor Clegane he was the tallest man she had ever seen, a tower of muscles, strength and other worldly god sex appeal, she knew instantly that he must have been older than her ( 14 years in fact she would later discover), but she hadn’t been able to break away from the imaginary magnet that seemed to pull her to him, getting to know him was hard and at times exhausting, he was heavily guarded with emotional walls a hundred feet high all around him due to the scars that took up half his face, but Sansa didn’t mind them, it was something about his eyes, grey, gentle yet smoldering, he looked at her when she spoke and actually listened, it had taken a few encounters with him before she finally got tired of waiting for him to ask her out and asked him out instead, she had never been so forward in her life but she couldn’t help it, she was so drawn to him it was this incredible feeling she had never experienced before.  
Sansa and Sandor had dated for 8 months before they finally had sex. It had been 8 months of dates, getting to know one another, sharing things with each other they had never told anyone, she had told him about Joffrey, about her brothers and sisters, shared her inner most thoughts and anxieties, he had in turn, with encouragement from her, done the same telling her about his brother, his childhood and the many difficulties and hardships he had faced in life. Sandor had always been fine with taking it slow and Sansa had fallen in love with him, she had fallen hard, she thought at the time that he had loved her too or at the very least cared for her very much.  
The night itself had been so special he had taken her to her favorite restaurant up the coast, they had had an amazing evening and at the end when they were walking to the car she had told him she would like to go home with him, he had looked at her and smiled, then kissed her so passionately it was if he was trying to tell her exactly how he felt about her through that one kiss, as they made love that night it had been slow and sensual, she knew Sandor was taking his time to make it special and Sansa never knew it could be like that, so mind blowing, so special, so utterly intense. The second time that same night, had been quicker, rougher and passionate. Sandor had made her feel like the most desired women in the world and although she remembers wondering how she would walk the next day, she knew she was addicted to him, loved him and wanted him to be hers and only hers forever.  
When she left the next day, she had been on cloud nine, beyond happy, if she had been a cartoon character she would have had heart emoji’s as eyes, she was so in love, she had gone home and told Arya and Brienne about it and despite the fact that neither one of them were romantics at heart they were happy for her.  
When she didn’t hear from him that day, she didn’t think too much of it because she knew he said he was going to do some work that afternoon and figured he just got on a roll with it. Then the next day she messaged him to say hi and see if he wanted to do something this week, to which he had replied that he was crazy busy at work and that he would contact her later in the week, it had been Friday when Sansa finally messaged him again to ask him if he was busy on the weekend as they usually always did something on the weekends together, then he had sent back that he didn’t think this was going to work, that he was sorry and wished her the best, she tried to call him, he didn’t answer, she messaged back saying she wanted to see him to talk, he didn’t reply.  
Sansa had cried for days, then those days had turned to weeks, she barely ate, barely slept at night, then slept all though the day, she didn’t leave the house unless it was to go to work, and she only went back to work after she had used all her possible sick leave and any holiday days owing to her.  
Brienne and Arya had been beyond worried for her, she knew they were only trying to help her and be there for her but she hadn’t been able to see it or stand it, she didn’t want to see anyone, she felt stupid, angry and heartbroken, she didn’t understand any of it, she knew Sandor, she knew despite his gruff exterior he cared for her, she even believed he loved her somewhere deep in there, so why didn’t he want her? That was the question that kept her up most nights. What did she do wrong?  
As time went on she started to feel stronger and life started to feel more tolerable, one day she laughed at something funny Arya had said and both girls had just steered at her before they threw themselves at her giving her a huge group hug, which in itself was so unlike them, so that gave her some insight at just how worried they had been for her. She hadn’t seen or heard from Sandor since, it was like he just up and disappeared from her life, leaving her in the dust.  
So here she was just over a year later finally as the girls said rejoining the land of the living, lined up to get into some new club that Brienne’s friend and crush Jamie Lannister managed downtown in the trendy up and coming neighborhood. She had known Jamie for a long time he happened to be Joffrey’s uncle, but he was always kind and caring towards her, Sansa had always liked him and his brother Tyrion, they were different from their sister Cersei, Joffrey’s horrid mother, that had always been apparent.  
Jamie and Sansa had even had lunch a few times, they were friends it was nothing beyond that for either of them, recently she had suspected that Jamie was in fact very interested in Brienne also, so she had been enjoying watching that unfold, knowing Brienne was stubborn and insecure so it would take some push and pull before the two would come together, but she hoped they could get it together they both deserved love.  
Feeling her phone buzz she pulled it out of her clutch purse.  
Boyfriend – Have a good night  
SS – yeah ok (that was said in a sarcastic tone by the way)  
Boyfriend – it will do you good to get out and let that red hair of yours down, don’t be a party pooper.  
SS – well if it would do me so good, why aren’t you here too?  
Boyfriend – early morning ahead, can’t work hung over like I used to  
SS – now look who’s the party pooper (its you by the way)  
Boyfriend – ha ha ha, have a good night San, see you over the weekend  
SS – ok x  
Sansa felt her hand being tugged by Arya, looking up she saw Jamie standing there “ Well hello beautiful ladies, let’s get you out of this line and inside, I have a booth reserved for you and drinks are on the house” he smiled then unashamedly looked Brienne up and down before winking at her, he lead the way passed the crowds and into the club. The dim lighting gave way to crowded tables, lounges, booths and bar areas, being the new and hottest club in town it was packed out with people celebrating the fact that it was Friyay!!!  
Sitting in the booth Arya was dancing to the music in her black doc martins, black mini dress that hugged her cute bod, before grabbing Jamie’s arm to get his attention “ok so I’m going to need shots, a lot of shots, Sansa is out and we are celebrating the fact that my sister is hot, young and free to do as she pleases, with whoever the fuck she pleases” Brienne then raising her arms and cheering with Arya, Sansa couldn’t help but laugh and join in, thinking how lucky she was to have them in her life, Jamie started laughing bringing Sansa in for a quick hug then a high five “Ok ladies shots are on the way and some cocktails to wash them down with, sound good?” he raised his eyebrows laughing when all three girls cheered, clapping their hands wildly for the man, with one last smirk in Brienne’s direction he left to organize their drinks.  
“Brienne when are you going to finally do something about the fact that Jamie Lannister has the biggest boner for you” Arya laughed watching Brienne blush furiously “He does not, stop it Arya you don’t know what you’re talking about” Sansa smiled reaching over to place her hand on Brienne’s “Oh my beautiful friend trust me, that man only has eyes for you” Brienne looked her briefly in the eye and then turned her eyes to Gendry who was carrying a tray filled with shots and brightly colored drinks towards them.  
“Babe you have never looked so damn sexy” Arya cooed when she saw her boyfriend at the table handing out the drinks, getting up to kiss him then whisper something which based on Gendry’s eyes popping out of his head was incredibly raunchy. “Hello ladies, have a great night and Arya DO NOT leave without me tonight” he said pulling her back in for a kiss so passionate that Sansa and Brienne averted their eyes from the couple who looked as though they were about to devour each other. “What can I say he just gets me” Arya smirked sitting down distributing the shots out evenly “2 shots and 2 cocktails each, I like Jamie Lannister” she laughed as they all raised their first shot of tequila and downed it followed by the second.  
Sansa was having a good time, it felt good to be out laughing and just being with her girls having a good time, no drama just fun, she also knew she was getting very drunk now on her third cocktail she was watching Arya dancing that girl seemed to have unlimited confidence, Brienne and Jamie were shamelessly flirting by the bar when all of a sudden she noticed Arya come racing over to Brienne and whisper something in her ear that made Brienne’s body language change completely, whatever it was Jamie had heard it and his eyes had shot to Sansa with an odd look, what was it...worry? Concern?  
Before she really knew what was happening Arya came over to her “I’m not feeling well, I need to go home, come on let’s go” she said grabbing Sansa by the hand. Sansa stood quickly feeling thankful she had worn her skinny jeans and her ankle boots tonight instead of a short dress and heels, when her legs felt slightly wobbly from the alcohol. Brienne appeared next to her with a strained look on her face “ok let’s go chicks” and they headed towards the door, Sansa quickly remembered that she should thank Jamie quickly and turned to look for him and that’s when all the breath in her lungs left her.  
He was tall, the tallest man she had ever seen, the tallest man in the club by far and usually the tallest man when he went anywhere, he stood out, she watched him take a seat, sitting on a chair talking to another man who she immediately recognized was his friend Bronn she had met him many times, she had always liked his humorous nature, there was a women sitting on the arm of Sandor’s chair, she was beautiful, long brown hair, gorgeous figure wearing a navy dress that hugged her in all the right places, she had her hand on his shoulder while he chatted.  
She felt a hand on her arm “ Sansa come on lets go Arya isn’t” Brienne looked in the direction Sansa was “shit ARYA” was all she heard Brienne yell, as Sansa yanked her arm free of Briennesand begun to march towards him, twisting and weaving through the crowd, until she was standing right in front of him, just looking at him, trying to determine if this was one of the many scenarios she had made up in her mind of what she would do should she ever see him again.  
Not once in those scenarios had she been drunk, or had he been with another women.  
Bronn must have alerted him to her presence, she saw him give the man a confused look before turning to see her standing there steering at him, his grey eyes met her blue ones, his eyes were searching hers as if she were a computer and he was trying to download her thoughts, his eyes looked sad, vulnerable and something else she couldn’t place, her gaze briefly flittered to the women sitting on the chair with her hand on his shoulder, he looked at the women briefly then turned back to her, looking as if he was about to get up and approach her, she went to step back, then she felt the anger it begun taking over her body like a volcano erupting, all the sadness, stupidity and heartbreak she had felt turned to molten fury as she stepped forward picking up a drink from the table in front of him throwing it in his face, before she began yelling like a crazy possessed person  
“ You bastard, you fucking bastard, how could you do that to me, I thought I meant something to you, I thought you were different, how could you do that, treat me like I was nothing but a fling, someone who didn’t even deserve a face to face break up, I meant so little, I was nothing to you, you never cared” she felt the heat of the tears running down her face, then she felt arms, strong arms around her waist lifting her away from him.  
“San, San calm down, its ok” she heard in her ear, the voice of Jamie, then Brienne was standing in front of her speaking calmly “Its ok, look at me, come on its ok, let’s get you home” she was looking at her, but Sansa eyes were still on him, he was looking at her, making no attempt to wipe the drink from his face.  
Sansa watched Bronn put his hand on his shoulder and say something Sandor nodded and stood up and that’s when she saw it Arya come flying through the crowd and jumping on him beating her fists on his chest, his face anywhere she could reach screaming at him like a lunatic probably getting in a few good shots too before Gendry was there yanking her off him, her legs kicking and arms punching in absolute rage, Sandor pushed her away turning to look at Sansa again before he headed towards the exit. At which she felt her legs give way and felt Jamie lifting her up and heading towards the exit also.  
The cold air outside hit her like a bucket of Icey water to her face, she took a deep breath and felt it sobering her instantly, Jamie put her down and she moved into Brienne’s arms, she heard shouting and turned to see Arya over Gendry’s shoulder still in a fit of rage.  
“That fucking cunt I can’t believe he was there, FUCK!” she screamed so angry  
“Babe you got to calm down, its ok babe” Gendry tried to diffuse his girlfriend  
“Fuck! No, I won’t calm down, after what Sansa went through after that cunt just treated her like she was nothing, mother fucker” she yelled back at him.  
The only thing that seemed to get her to stop was when she heard Sansa’s sob, allowing Gendry to put her down, she turned and wrapped her arms around Sansa “oh sissy I’m so sorry, we tried to get you out of there before you saw that fucker, I’m so sorry”  
It all made sense then Arya wasn’t sick she had seen Sandor and her and Brienne were trying to get her out of there before the night was ruined, well that had turned to shit when she had seen him, he was like a magnet she was pulled to him.  
She sighed out loud feeling the two girls arms around her “ok girls, let’s go home, I’m ok, I’m sorry for what happened in there I don’t know what happened, I just felt so mad” she whispered and then turning to Jamie  
“I’m so sorry Jamie, oh my gosh making a big scene like that in your club, I’m so sorry” she said looking down shaking her head feeling embarrassed, he turned to her grinning  
“Sansa Stark doesn’t take shit from no one, when you threw that drink in his face he looked like you stabbed him in the heart” laughed Jamie pulling her in for another hug,  
“Don’t apologize, I’m just sorry it ruined your night”. She looked up with a faint smile and then heard “You threw a drink? YES, THAT IS MY SISTER BAD ASS” Arya cheered,  
“I’m pretty sure I also managed to smack him in the head a couple times too” she added with a grin.  
Sansa smiled at them, knowing that it should make her feel better, but knowing it didn’t, the pit in her stomach was still there and it felt so deep that if she wasn’t careful she would fall in again and she couldn’t allow herself to do that, Sandor Clegane couldn’t send her on a spiral of depression again, so she decided she would bury that pit, she was strong she could do it, she would push it all away, the love she still felt, the need and pull towards him, she would push it all away, it would only bring her more hurt, so push it away she would.  
“Let’s go” she said, as everyone started saying goodnight, that’s when she heard it  
“ Little Bird” a deep rasp, a voice that used to make her heart swell with love, a voice she could pick anywhere, she turned and there he stood to the side of the clubs exit door wearing dark denim jeans, a black button up shirt with the top two buttons undone. looking at her with those eyes that could touch her soul, everyone froze and looked at him standing there then they turned to her.  
Sansa took a deep breath, pushing away the need to go to him, to feel his arms around her, to hold him, she repeated herself this time slightly louder with more authority “Let’s go”, she walked towards the uber Jamie had ordered for them, fighting the need to look back she sat down in the car and as it drove away tears flowed down her face in the dark, as she quietly said her goodbyes to Sandor Clegane.


	2. chapter 2

Chapter two - Damaged and Broken  
“Well, well, well if it isn’t my favorite architect, I thought you were all talk about joining my flash gym” the big ginger laughed when he saw Sandor walking up the stairs towards the reception desk, Sandor rolled his eyes “ yeah, yeah well some of us have a real job and can’t spend all day bloody lifting weights and perving on women” he grumbled, looking up seeing the gym owner Tormund smirking at him “Sandor my friend I was only joking, seeing as you helped design all this its only right that your membership is on the house so please, enjoy” he slapped him on the back as Sandor turned his back beginning to put his belongings in the cubby holes provided at the front.  
Sandor was startled by the giants loud booming voice again “LOOK OUT FELLAS THEY ARE HERE KICKING ASS AND BREAKING HEARTS” he hollered across the room to the other entry as three women came into view, he followed it up with “I hear you had quite the Friday night girls, Drogo tells me there were drinks thrown, asses kicked the whole circus I wish I had been there, but alas I wasn’t” he said faking a sad face  
“Oh Tormy you really shouldn’t listen to gossip” Arya replied in a teasing way “So what, it didn’t happen then?” the giant ginger replied with a confused face, “oh it happened” she smirked “but don’t push it, it’s a sensitive subject with Sansa” she said quietly.  
Sandor was holding his breath, hoping the other side of the cubby would provide enough of a shield from them for him to go unnoticed until he could get the hell out of there.  
“Yeah sure, sure” he heard Tormund assure the dark headed girl, before he saw through the squares of the cubby him walk towards Sansa lifting her up and swinging her around  
“hey girly we still on for smoothies this morning or what?” smiling at her, she banged on his arms for him to put her down and he heard her reply “of course its Sunday that’s our thing, you still good to take me home after the girls have stuff to do” she said readjusting her crop top and bike pants  
“yeah sure, got any plans for the rest of the day I was thinking of heading up the coast for a swim” he smiled down at her  
“You know what yes that sounds amazing, they say salt water cures all hurt and heals all wounds, I have swimmers in my gym bag so if you have a spare towel sounds good to me” she answered back fixing her hair up into bun on her head  
“Ok sounds like a plan, see you after spin class, enjoy” he smirked patting her on the head and walking back to the desk.  
Sandor couldn’t believe what he was hearing was she really dating him, his little bird dating bloody Tormund Giantsbane,  
“Fuck” he cursed out loud catching the attention of Brienne who hadn’t walked into the class yet because she was still on her phone, she looked at him with wide eyes, taking a deep breath and walking towards him, Sandor cringed here we fucking go,  
“Sandor, what are you doing here, you know stalking is illegal and just plain creepy” she hissed he growled under his breath “look I’m not fucking stalking I helped design this gym and he offered me a membership, I had no idea she came here, she never even used to work out so it’s not like I expected her to be here did I” he rasped feeling pissed off Brienne eyed him suspiciously, looking at his face appearing to search it for the truth, he then noticed a visible change in her own eyes, the distinct look of pity fuck my life  
“Ok fine, just don’t upset her if you see her she doesn’t need it” she said quickly before turning to walk away, Sandor didn’t know what possessed him to do it, but he quickly grabbed the large women’s wrist  
“Look I need to talk to her, I know I don’t deserve it, but I need too, so if you could please give her this and ask her to contact me I would appreciate it” he said handing her his business card, taking the card from him without saying anything she turned and walked into the class.  
Deciding it would probably be safer to go down and run on the treadmill, he walked down stairs with his towel and water bottle deciding a 30 minute run should get him out in time before the class got finished, noting he would avoid the mornings from now, to avoid any more awkwardness.  
Sandor began his run and it took exactly 30 seconds before all the memories of Friday night came flooding in.  
Bronn had bloody dragged him out, telling him it would be good to go have a beer and catch up without the hassle of work and considering that Sandor was now back in town permanently he needed to start being social again blah blah blah, it’s not like he was exactly social before.  
That’s how he found himself sitting on a lounge chair in the middle of a bar in Wesley, Kings landings newest happening area, with Bronns girlfriend Margery perched on the side of his chair bracing herself on his arm drunkenly chatting away to her friends behind him, he had been chatting with Bronn when he noticed Bronns face change and he looked over and there she was standing there, looking right at him.  
Sansa Stark, his little bird, the women plagued his dreams, interrupted his daily thoughts, made it hard for him to function in general, she was looking at him, she looked sad, so hurt, his chest ached for her, then he saw her eyes glance at Margery sitting on the side of the chair, internally he was screaming No little bird, that’s not what you think but then when he looked back the hurt was gone, replaced with fury, blind fury, she looked like she was going to explode, he went to stand up and go to her but then he felt the beer, all over his face, over his shirt… soaked.  
Then came the yelling or should he say outward crazy screaming at him, he could see the tears flowing down her face, he couldn’t breathe he wanted to go to her, wrap his arms around her, beg for her to listen, tell her he was a fucking coward, then out of nowhere Jamie fucking Lannister had his arms around her waist whispering something in her ear.  
The jealousy he felt was instant, he wanted to rip his fucking head off, the sight of his hand on her made him feel physically ill, but before he could do anything, he felt Bronns arm on his shoulder  
“Come on man let’s get out of here, don’t do anything stupid” nodding and getting ready to walk  
As if it couldn’t get any worse it had because before he knew its he was being kicked and punched and yelled at some more, Arya bloody Stark the little she wolf, he had to hand it to her she got in a couple good hard shots too and he had the bruise on his jaw to prove it.  
After he watched her drive off in the Uber and she hadn’t once looked back, he walked back to where Bronn was waiting “Well fuck me, what the fuck was that?” the man asked reaching out to squeeze his shoulder, “I thought you said you guys were ok, I mean I knew you were lying your ass off on your side of things, walking around like a kicked puppy dog who lost its best friend, but what the fuck did you do to that women, mate she was a shell, an absolute bloody mess, I’m pretty sure you need to tell me what the fuck actually happened you bloody idiot” he said trying in his own Bronn way to be comforting.  
Sandor looked up at the sky, the stars were so bright, then it all came out, feeling overcome with sheer violence he turned and began repeatedly punching a trash can that stood behind them. The feel of arms forcibly holding him back, he let Bronn pull him back to sit on the bench seat nearby, spilling his guts and doing a terrible job of hiding the tears as his body betrayed him with all the emotions he had been working so hard to keep at bay.  
Sandor had made it a habit not to dredge up memories of her and what was without a doubt the happiest he had ever been, he knew when he first laid eyes on her, he was absolutely fucked she was the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on, and as they got to know each other slowly it didn’t take him long to realize that the inside matched the outside, she was caring, kind, gentle, funny, loving, sexy as all hell, god she drove him insane with need, he couldn’t get enough of her.  
When she had asked him out, he couldn’t believe it, and definitely didn’t expect it to carry on and on as it did, getting better with every text message, call, touch, kiss, just holding her hand made him happier beyond anything he ever believed he would have, he knew he loved her, he was in love and it was wild, beautiful and so overwhelmingly scary, he had never experienced the depth of what he was beginning to feel.  
It was after they made love, he scoffs as he thinks “ made love” but there is no other words to describe what they did the first time, that night, it was slow, it was gentle, it was amazing and he had never in his whole miserable life experienced anything like it.  
It scared him so much so that the second time they had done it, he had intentionally been rougher with her, but she had matched him with her passion and it had been by far the best night of his entire life.  
The next day before she had left, he had kissed her with so much passion and held her longer and closer, trying to memorize the smell and feel of her, knowing he was saying goodbye to her, knowing he was a fucking coward because she had no idea that’s what he was doing.  
He walked inside and sat on the couch, deleting her number from his phone and calling his boss saying he was happy to take any and all overseas assignment, preferably departing the sooner the better, he was given a project in Japan that he would have to leave for in a 5 days.  
When he had received the texts during the week he had almost given in, already missing her more than he felt possible, with an ache in his chest that hurt so bad it was hard for him to believe he wasn’t openly bleeding, but the fear kept him on track and he did what any cowardly bastard does and he broke up with the women he was in love with via text message.  
He tried not to imagine her face, tried not to imagine the tears she undoubtedly shed because of him, tried not to see the hurt or hear the questions she would have had.  
He resolved to tell himself she would be better off, he was not meant for someone as perfect as her, she deserved better, he had finally done the right thing and now that he had removed himself from her life she could find the perfect man of her dreams, someone who wasn’t, old, scarred, ugly as hell, damaged and broken inside. The man she hadn’t realized she really wanted.


	3. Wednesdays, business cards and naked men

**Chapter 3 – Wednesdays, business cards and naked men**

  
Sansa was tired, actually she was exhausted and it was only midweek, she always hated Wednesdays for some reason and today hadn’t served to prove her theory wrong, she had slept in and was late for work, she had to work through her lunch hour to meet a deadline, she had spilt her coffee all over her brand new expensive white blouse, it just wasn’t her day, but determined not to dwell on her bad day and general inner sadness from a certain tall muscled man, she was soldiering on.

  
Knowing she always felt better after a workout she pulled out her phone and decided to text Tormund and see if he was up for a workout after she finished work.  
She had meet Tormund about 8 or 9 months ago at a book shop in downtown Kings Landing it was one of Sansas favorite places to peruse and explore, known for its rare and limited editions and fabulous array of reading material she would always find something new to fall in love with. 

  
On this particular Sunday morning she was head down, with her nose in a book walking along one of the many aisles when she had literally face planted into the hard wall of muscle that was Tormund Giantsbane, he had looked up at her with his crazy smirk, made some hilarious comments about red heads and enquired about her book. 

  
It was an instant connection and he had asked if she wanted to grab a coffee, they had hung out a lot, mostly indulging in their mutual love of the written word, they had even one night after too man wines shared a rather passionate kiss, which had then led them to test the waters of a possible romance, but later they had both agreed that it didn’t have the heat they wished it did given they got along on all other aspects, from then on they decided that friendship was the key and they had been great friends ever since.

  
She had been so supportive of his dream of opening a gym and she was so proud of him for working hard and realizing it.   
He even got on well with Arya, the two having a mutual love for boxing and any other violent sport you could think of, he had become one her favorite people and easily her best friend and was steadily becoming an addition to the house in which she shared with Brienne and Arya, always over for meals, movies and drinks, she really was grateful to have him in her life.

  
**SS** – hey T, plans for this evening, I think I’m going to hit the gym, feel like joining?  
**Boyfriend** – let me think… I work at the gym all day long do I really want to stay here longer.  
**SS** – plllleeeeaaasssseeee :(  
**Boyfriend**– fine, but it’s going to be a killer, so be prepared  
**SS** – you’re the best, see you after 5

Sansa walked into the gym and straight into the change rooms to throw on her work out gear, then jogged up the stairs to reception with her towel over her shoulder, drink bottle under her arm to where she knew Tormund would be waiting while quickly scrolling through her phone and laughing at a weird cat lady meme Arya had tagged her in on Facebook.

  
“Hey, you ready?” she asked flexing her muscles and laughing at him as he rolled his eyes

“Yep ill just grab a towel, hold on” he called disappearing into his office.

  
Hearing him coming out “thanks so much for staying back you really are my best boyfriend” she joked knowing the inside joke that went with her calling him that.   
Rolling his eyes at her they turned to walk down the steps again and came face to face with one Sandor and Bronn.

  
Stopping dead in her tracks forcing Tormund to literally run into her back “Shit San what the hell” Tormund says whilst grabbing her hips quickly, so he didn’t knock her over.

  
She hears Bronn “she’s got a water bottle people and she’s not afraid to use it, everybody run” the shorter man says chuckling, looking nervous and so obviously trying to diffuse what he sees to be a very tricky situation.

  
“Bronn, Sandor how you guys going” Tormund greets the men

“San this is Sandor and Bronn, Sandor was one of the architects that helped to design this dream of gym, guys this is one of the best girls in the world” he says looking at Sansa who still hasn’t taken her eyes off Sandor. 

  
Sansas heart is beating at a crazy pace, she wonders if the three men can hear it, she can feel Tormund rubbing her hip in a way that is trying to get her attention, he’s obviously speaking to her, but she can’t hear a word he is saying _focus Sansa focus_.

  
Turning her head she looks up at the big ginger man, the look on his face has turned from happy to downright concerned “hey you ok?” he now has both hands on her face making her look at him, she takes a breath snapping back into reality now that she isn’t mesmerized by the grey eyes that were threatening to read her very thoughts.

  
“Hey girlfriend what’s going on with you” he whispers to her.

  
“Sorry” she laughs trying to sound normal “I’m Ok, yep I’m Ok, let’s go shall we” she says keeping her head down as she tries to walk past the two men, then she feels it, a soft touch on her shoulder 

  
“Little umm Sansa I would really like to talk to you, I know, I” but before he can finish she stops him “No, I don’t need to hear it, I used to want to but I don’t anymore, so just stop” she says sternly but still not making eye contact with. 

  
Looking up at Tormund she grabs his hand, noting the look of absolute confusion on his face at what is happening as he looks at Sandor then to her, as she pulls him down the stairs towards the workout area.

  
As she’s descending, she hears Bronn say “you ok man” She keeps walking, deciding that hearing the answer to that question will only weaken what scrap of resolve she has left.

  
“Ok you ready” she asks looking up at Tormund, who starts laughing  
“you must be absolute batshit fucking crazy if you think we are doing anything before you explain what the fuck just happened up there, San I thought you were having a fucking stroke, my god and the look on the big fellas face, like he was going to fall to his knees and worship at your feet, what the hell”  
Sansa took a deep breath “that’s Sandor as in thee Sandor” she said throwing both arms up in the air.

  
Piecing the bits together, she could see the light bulb going off in Tormund’s head as his mouth started to hang open “Sandor Clegane, what the fuck, really that’s the guy, that’s the one from the weekend, wow, when you told me about him I just didn’t picture him” he said taking a breath 

  
“I mean he’s a good guy, well obviously not, considering what you told me, but for fucksake San” he said sitting down on a bit of gym equipment looking overwhelmed by the sudden rush of information.

  
Looking down at him Sansa couldn’t help herself, she begun laughing, laughing like it was the funniest thing she had ever seen, then she plonked herself down next to him and put her head on his knee feeling sad again “yep that’s him” she sighed

  
“Well now I understand why he looked like he was going to murder me in my sleep when we walked down the stairs, I mean here he is obviously still madly in love with you, and here I am looking the picture of a ginger god, calling you girlfriend, touching you, fuck San, if I disappear you will know what to tell the cops” he laughed

  
Sansa started laughing again too, then stopped “he’s not in love with me, he never loved me, that’s why he dumped me over a text message” she said feeling deflated

  
“Trust me girly, the look that man had on his face when he saw you, was like he was seeing the sun and the moon for the first time, he maybe a lot of things, a fucking bastard being one of them, but a man in love he most certainly is” he said kindly tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and kissing her head.

  
“Come on, fuck the workout, I’ll go grab my keys we can get ice cream” he suggested, Sansa nodded and headed to the change area to get her bag, waiting outside she let the cool night air rush over her face, as she looked out into the carpark she noticed a dark figure, with its hands on its hips taking deep breaths, then it turned and was walking towards her, Sansa held her breath looking around, and then she saw it was the face of Bronn.

  
“Hey Red, I don’t know you if you remember me, anyway I’m Bronn, the big fellas friend, look he would knock me out clean if he knew I was doing this but shit I guess I got to try, here’s his card, I know the bloody idiot doesn’t deserve it, but if you could spare him some time just to hear him out, I’m a bit worried about him, he’s just so fucking sad all the god damn time” he sighed as if saying that last part just to himself, he held the card out to her a gentle smile on his face.  
She tried to return the smile and took the card from him putting it in her bag, as she watched him walk back in.

  
Wednesdays do really suck she thought to herself as Tormund came bounding through the door announcing he wanted mint choc chip ice cream in a cone not a cup.

  
**2 days later:**

  
Sansa woke up feeling fresh, the sun was coming in through her bedroom window bright and beautiful, she had slept well for the first one in a week, she actually felt rested and her head didn’t feel foggy.

  
She got up throwing on her robe and tying it up as she walked into the living room giggling as she saw Tormund draped over the lounge like and overgrown pet.

  
Walking in the kitchen she jumped as she saw Arya sitting at the table eating breakfast

“you know it would be much easier if you two could be a thing, I like him much better than the other big one” she smirked, Sansa went to reply but was swiftly cut off as Arya was obviously not finished   
“I hate what he did to you and how sad and depressed you were for so long, I feel like you have just started being you again” she sighed clearly still not done as she is holding up her hand....

  
“but I know you, and Brienne knows you and anyone could see you still bloody love the big idiot so here” she said holding out a card.

  
“Where did you get this Arya?” she asked looking at the business card a replica on the one she had been looking at for the past 2 nights before she went to sleep.

  
“He gave it to Brienne last Sunday, to give to you, don’t be mad at us, we just wanted to protect you, but then Tormund told us about the other day at the gym and well fuck it, you may as well have it, the big fucker isn’t going anywhere and you need to figure out if he’s what you still want or whatever, just know, …. know we are here, and we will do our best to support you, there I said it” she sighed as Sansa wrapped her arms around her sister. 

  
Sansa sat down at the table after making them both a coffee Arya passed her a piece of toast and she begun buttering it when she heard Brienne’s door open and heavy footsteps walk towards the kitchen

  
“oh shit” they heard as a very naked Jamie Lannister tried to cover himself while making a dash back to the bedroom. 

  
Hearing snickering coming from the couch behind them, they girls turn to see Tormund sitting up rubbing his eyes and laughing,   
“they came through the door last night all over each other like they were two animals on heat, I had to make myself known before I became a participant, not that I would have minded” he winked as the two girls begun laughing hysterically.


	4. Arya's Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This I a little chapter from Arya's perspective.

**Chapter 4 – Arya’s take**

  
The sound of gym music pumping always made Arya feel good, she loved going to the gym, boxing classes were her jam, she loved them, something about hitting people made her happy. 

  
It was Friday morning and she was feeling great, it was nearly the weekend and tonight they were having a party for Tormund’s Name Day at their family’s old cabin up the coast. 

  
She had left Sansa in the kitchen furiously baking up a storm for it, barking orders left right and center at anyone who had the unfortunate luck of coming into contact with the bossy red head, so when she was instructed to carry a large helium filled ginger teddy bear balloon to the gym this morning to give to the big ginger man himself she considered herself lucky as she could have been Brienne or Jamie and enlisted to actually help with cooking.

  
So up the stairs she climbed the annoying giant teddy balloon bobbing along with her, as she reached the top of the stairs, she saw Sandor using a weight machine close to the desk, deciding to bite her tongue and just let it be, not wanting ruin her good mood, she eyed him as he did her and turned her back as she heard Tormund 

  
“what the bloody hell is that” he yelled eyeing the teddy bear with a big smile on his face. 

  
“Well it’s not from me that’s for bloody sure, but it is for you from San and I’m to tell you Happy Name day boyfriend” she grinned handing over the enormous balloons string.

  
“What the hell am I going to do with this, where am I even going to put it?” he said looking up at the balloon bobbing in the air above him.

  
“Not my problem, this is the kind of shit you have to put up with her, she does this weird stuff, I know it feels more like a punishment, but it comes from a good place” she said laughing at him as he seemed to become mesmerized by the bouncing bear.

  
“She is full of surprises, where is she anyway?” he answered pulling his eyes away from the bobbing bear.

  
Arya rubbed her hands over her face briefly looking behind her noting Sandor was still there.

  
“She’s at home cooking for tonight, poor Brienne and Jamie have been enlisted against their will, its actually hilarious, Jamie tried to leave and she says to him Jamie I have seen your private parts more times than I’m happy with in the last week, so I feel you owe me some of your time to make amends” she laughed adding  
“it was pretty funny he had no chance when I left, he was learning how to crème butter and sugar” she grinned

  
A roar of laughter came out of Tormund “Haven’t we all seen Lannister’s cock more times in the last week, I mean I never picked Brienne to be so free with the love, god last night I walked in with San and they were going for it on the sofa” he chuckled taking a sip of his energy drink

  
“Hold on, speak of the little slave driver” he said waving his phone in the air with an incoming call from Sansa, answering he chucked it on loudspeaker.

  
Before he could say anything, he heard “HAPPY NAME DAY My best boyfriend” followed by laughing.

  
“Sansa bloody Stark you’re on speaker, Arya has just turned up with the worlds handsomest teddy bear, its ummm amazing” he said rolling his eyes in Arya’s direction, making the girl chuckle.

  
“When I saw he was ginger I just had to, he was just too cute” she giggled

  
“You sound like you’re in the car” Arya interrupted

  
“I am, indeed, Tor I’m on the way to your place ill grab you some stuff and that way when you’re finished at lunch, we can all just leave together, sound ok?” she replied in a bossy tone.

  
“You don’t have to do that” Tormund said, giving Arya a look that said he felt bad she was doing that for him, Arya returned his look with an eye roll as if to say, you should know her by now. 

  
Sansa and Tormund had the most peculiar yet sweet friendship in the world in Arya’s opinion (not that she would ever tell them that), they were so thoughtful and caring, so relaxed with one another, she knew there were no romantic feelings there, she also knew that they had explored them but decided together to keep it as friends. 

  
Arya wished they would just be a couple she thought they went together so well, but she knew Sansa’s heart was spoken for and though she had at one point wondered if Tormund secretly wished it to be different, she had slowly realized that he was happy with their friendship just as much as Sansa.

  
Although she would never in a million years admit it to the big ginger boofhead she was grateful to have him in their lives.

  
“I don’t mind, its easier and I needed to get out of that kitchen away from Jamie and Brienne, honestly they just make everything sexual, I felt like I was going to be an unwilling participant in a threesome if I stayed much longer” she heard her sister reply with a distinct hint of distaste mixed with humor.

  
Arya and Tormund started laughing

  
“Yeh ok good point see you at lunch then I’ll be ready to go” he added before ending the call with their normal bye girlfriend, bye boyfriend banter that she didn’t get.

  
Arya turned around to notice Sandor just lying on the bench not moving and looking like he hadn’t moved for some time, she realized he had been listening to the conversation, she knew she probably should have been annoyed, but she figured all that would have been hard to hear, so she took comfort in him suffering, she watched Tormund walk into the back office with his teddy bear she turned and stood peering down at the scarred man.

  
“She has the business card, just so you know we did give it to her” she said to him trying not to make too much eye contact with the big man, he looked like a wounded animal, _its pitiful_ she thought to herself.

  
Sandor looked up, slowly sitting up to look at her “thanks, I haven’t heard from her, so I guess she’s made her choice” looking in Tormund’s direction.  
Arya’s eyes followed where he was looking, she smiled smugly, taking a little joy in his apparent assumption 

  
“Not that it’s any of your business, but they aren’t together like that, they are very VERY close, but it’s not like that, you see my sister was fucking burned beyond repair some time ago” she sighed, continuing, suppressing the anger that seemed to bubble to the surface when faced with remembering how low her sister had been and how she had felt so helpless to fix it 

  
“Sansa and Tormund well they are more like best friends I don’t really understand it only that there’s a connection, not that she owes you a god damn thing” she added about to walk off, but paused when she heard a growl come from the man.

  
“I know I don’t fucking deserve any of her time, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to see her, speak with her, explain what I can, I know I’m a fucking bastard, not worthy of her, but I’ve tried to leave her behind and I’ve spent every day since thinking of her, I can’t seem to stop, so if there is even a chance, I’ll do whatever it takes, whatever she wants” he sighed looking utterly defeated.

  
Taken aback by his words and the sheer honesty of what he said

“Just give her some time and whatever she does decide, make sure you fucking accept it” she added in a warning tone before heading into her boxing class.


	5. Almost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another little chapter, from Sansa and then Bronn

**Chapter 5 – Almost **

  
**2 weeks later:**

  
She wasn’t really sure why she was there, why she had driven to their spot, she hadn’t been there in a really long time, parking her car and turning the engine off, she took a deep breath and looked out over the beautiful meadow. 

  
This is where they had first kissed, where he had leaned towards her, looking so nervous, so vulnerable, so terrified of what she guessed was a fear of her rejection, she remembered placing her palm on the scarred side of his face and feeling him lean into it, seeing him close his eyes, a low groan coming from him a mix of both pain and pleasure.

  
The kiss had been gentle, magical, and if she was honest with herself, she had fallen in love with him right then and there in that very moment.

When they finally pulled apart out of breath, the smile on his face mirrored the one undoubtedly on her own. 

  
Closing her eyes and focusing she could still hear his words “Little Bird what are you doing to me, I’m not this man” his voice sounding raspy and breathless, as if he was feeling things he had never before, she certainly knew that she was. Her reply to him being “Sandor Clegane you are everything”

  
He was everything to her in that moment, her strength, her weakness, she knew she would forever know that this would be her reference to love, that feeling right there, her heart was full and she couldn’t imagine living without him in her life.

  
Opening her eyes she reached into her pocket and pulled out the business card, Sandor’s business card had never left her since Bronn had handed it to her over 3 weeks ago, she still hadn’t contacted him, she had spent countless nights in deep thought about what she would do, had many conversations with Tormund about it, she was still unsure what he expected from her or what she wanted from him, so she had made the decision to get in the car and just drive and this is where she had ended up, at their spot on the hill overlooking a beautiful meadow filled with purple wildflowers.

  
Picking up her phone she dialed the number and just looked at the digits lined up on the screen, taking another deep breath she pushed the call button and waited, it went to message bank, a generic message with Sandor’s name inserted within, she closed her eyes cringing at the thought of leaving a message, for some reason she hadn’t expected him not to pick up shit.

  
“Hi Sandor it’s me Sansa, I was just umm giving you a call, Bronn, I mean your business card I was given it and well if you want to call me back you can I guess”  
Quickly hanging up and throwing the phone on the passenger seat and leaning back into her seat squeezing her eyes shut, feeling utterly drained, she just sat there, wondering if he would call her back.

  
It was the sound of her phone vibrating against the leather seat next to her that bought her out of her musings, looking over she saw it was his number flashing up on the phone, reaching over she picked it up.

  
“hello”  
“ah hi, its Sandor”  
“hi, um did you get my, I um left you a voice message” - rolling her eyes at herself_ get it together Sansa damn it_  
“Yeh I did, sorry I missed your call, I was in a meeting”  
“oh, sorry I will go, let you get back to it”   
“NO, no, please don’t go, its fine, I mean it’s just work”  
“ok then” she mumbled

  
There was a long pause, and she wondered if he was going to speak, or if he was even still there, she wasn’t sure if she should say something or just hang up.

  
“Sansa, if you have time, that is if you could spare some, shit, I would like to see you and talk, you know if you can or would even want to” he grumbled

  
His nervous voice brought a smile to her face, he was so terrible at this, but there was no way she was going to make any of it easy for him, no way in hell.  
“ok, I can this afternoon, 3pm by the pier, bring coffee”

  
She heard him let out a huge breath, like he had been sitting there holding his breath waiting for her reply.  
“thank you, Sansa, see you then”

  
She pushed the end call button and sat back, looking at the time 1:30pm, putting the car into reverse she reversed and begun the drive back down toward the pier wondering what the next 3 hours would bring her, she grabbed her phone as she drove along and quickly clicked on her music app, looking back up within a second, just in time to see the pick-up truck pull out in front of her, but not quick enough to avoid it, the last thing she thought of before the dark took her was _Sandor_.

**********************************************************************************

  
Bronn disliked this gym business, he was not a gym goer, not into having enormous arms, he was naturally strong anyways from his years in the military, but he hated this gym shit, he hated the music, he hated the other wankers sitting in front of the mirrors taking their selfies, he hated it all and the fact that he found himself without a workout buddy this afternoon made it extra shitty.

  
He wouldn’t hold it against Sandor, when he had a text to say he wouldn’t make the gym this afternoon, Bronn had called him to give him shit, when he had heard the reason was the red head had contacted him he allowed it, god only knew someone had answered his prayers that she would contact him, he was a complete pain in the ass, always grouchy, always snapping at everyone, he took out his heartache on everyone around him, so when he heard the tone of hope in his friends voice when he said she would meet him, Bronn found himself relieved and strangely crossing all his metaphoric fingers for it to all work out for them.

  
That however didn’t change the fact he was already at the bloody gym, approaching the desk he thought he may as well waste some of the time and say hi to Tormund he quickly realized something was wrong when he heard the giant ginger yell

“yep I’m on the way, FUCK is she ok, what else did they say, yep I’m running down the fucking stairs now, which hospital, yes meet you there” was all he heard as he watched him sprinted pass him and then out of view.

  
Drogo was standing there looking just as confused when the reception desk phone rang, Drogo picked it up “yeah, oh shit, yeah no worries bro, I’ve got you, go be with her, let me know how she is”

  
Bronn waited and looked at Drogo “everything ok?” knowing it obviously wasn’t but feeling like he needed to know, for some reason he was beginning to feel that deep kind of dread when you know something is really horribly wrong.

  
“oh, hey Bronn, nah no good, San she’s been in a car accident, Tor is on his way to her now”

  
Bronn felt sick, “fuck, how bad?” he asked dreading the answer _don’t say dead, don’t say really bad, say you don’t know, say you don’t know_ he thought.

  
“He wasn’t sure, he just needed to get to her” the man replied, with a worried look on his face

  
“if you don’t mind, if you hear anything can you let me know” he handed his card to Drogo  
The man nodded taking the card.

  
Bronn picked up his gear, heading to his car, he called Sandor hoping he would pick up.

  
“Bronn what the fuck” he rasped into the phone when he answered

  
“Where are you?” Bronn asked a sternness to his voice that suggested Sandor answer his question right now

  
“I’m at the fucking pier waiting for Sansa what the fuck do you want” he rasped back, soundly really pissed off

  
Bronn made a sharp turn knowing the pier was 2 minutes, if that, away, he parked up, it didn’t take him long to spot Sandor sitting on a bench seat under a tree, 2 take away coffee cups sat next to him, while he faced out toward the water.

  
Bronn felt sick, _fuck I’m so sorry my friend_ he thought as he begun the quick walk over to where he sat, placing his arm on his shoulder to get the man’s attention, Sandor abruptly turned around and stood up, glaring, looking Bronn up and down.

  
“What the fuck are you doing here” he all but yelled at the man

  
Swallowing hard, and looking at his friend, trying to ignore how angry he looked, knowing that in a second that face would be filled with worry and sadness.

  
“She’s not coming, I was, I was at the gym and Tormund, he was” Bronn found himself stuttering finding it hard to get the words out come on get it out there’s no way to cushion this, tell it straight. 

  
“He was rushing out the door, to the hospital” he watched as Sandor’s eyes grew wide with absolute horror at what his next words would be.

  
“It seems that Sansa was in a car accident this afternoon, that’s all I know” he mumbled watching Sandor fall back down onto the bench seat, his hands squeezed into fists and knuckles going white from the pressure.

  
“I gave Drogo my card and he promised to call with any updates and if you want we can go to the hospital and wait, just let me know what you want to do and that’s what we will do”

  
Bronn watched as Sandor just sat there looking out at the water, eyes glistening with tears yet to fall, his face filled with pain, worry and longing. 

  
He reached out and grasped his shoulder squeezing it, Sandor turned blinking hard, looking like he was about to speak when Bronns phone rung, seeing it was Margery he pressed accept.

  
“hey babe it’s not a good time, can I call you back, oh ok, yes of course, no I’m with him now, how is she”  
He felt Sandor’s eyes on him  
“ok Maidens Central private, yep thanks, no I really appreciate it, love you too”

  
He stood, “Come on big fella, let’s go” he motioned to Sandor who was still looking at him   
“She’s at Maiden Private, she’s stable but unconscious, let’s get there quickly ay, Ill drive” he watched as Sandor didn’t move, like he was frozen to the seat.  
“I, I can’t go” he growled

  
“The fuck you can’t, now get your ass up and get in the car so I can drive your ass over there, so you can wait for as long as it bloody takes to see her” he said giving the tough love stance a try you never know he thought to himself.

  
Sandor stood, and walked without another word to his car, got in and put his seatbelt on.  
“I can’t lose her, what if I lose her” he whispered, asking no one in particular.


	6. Sarah

**Chapter 6 – Sarah**

  
Tormund hated hospitals, hated them, unless you were visiting the maternity ward, there was nothing good about the hospital you were either, dead, in pain, dying or all the above. 

  
He fucking hated the hospital.

The smell made him want to be sick, he disliked doctors and their fake bedside manners, he hated the grumpy women who worked the reception desks, he hated it all.

He was 35 years old and he felt like he had spent too much of his life in fucking hospitals.

  
Walking through the doors of emergency, it was the smell that got him, that ultra clean smell with a hint of something synthetic that was meant to resemble flowers or vanilla or something disgustingly sweet. 

  
That smell ignited a million and one memories of her, her name was Sarah, she had been the love of his life, she was a fighter and she had fought the good fight, but cancer was a cunt and it had claimed her all the same, like a thief in the night, it had come and robbed him from everything he had loved, taken all he ever wanted in his life, his beautiful wife, so full of love, light and laughter. 

  
He walked to the reception and was pointed by a woman to where he found Arya, Gendry, Brienne and Jamie all sitting waiting.

  
Arya stood and to Tormund’s complete surprise flew into his arms, he could feel the sobs vibrating through her body as she struggled to keep them soundless. He wrapped his arms around her tightly whispering reassuring words into her ear, hoping she believed him, trying to believe in them himself.

  
The doctor had come out and informed them that she was stable, unconscious due to the impact, the airbag undoubtedly saving her life, he said that whilst she would eventually wake up, that they just needed to be patient as these things took time and when she woke she would be confused and very sore, she had bruising to her chest and legs from the seatbelt and a broken arm.

  
He didn’t think he had ever felt so relieved in his life hearing that although she had been hurt, that she would in fact be ok and would recover, letting Arya and Brienne go in first he sat in the waiting room with Jamie and Gendry.

  
After a time, he looked up and saw Bronn and Sandor approaching, Bronn in front of his taller friend them both walking towards him.

  
“Hey Tormund, we don’t want to intrude, we heard about Sansa and just wanted to see how she was doing and check if you all needed anything?” the man spoke calmly, trying to keep it all peaceful whilst being on alert that obviously their presence could be unwanted and met with negative response.

  
Sighing he nodded towards the seat without a word, waiting for the men to sit, looking at the door to Sansas room, he then turned and looked directly at Sandor

  
“Arya and Brienne are in there, if they walk out here and want you gone, you go, no fight, no words, you just go” 

  
Sandor looked at him wide eyed, and nodded, letting him know he agreed to the terms.

  
Tormund sat there allowing memories of Sarah to flow through him, his mind taking him to a very specific memory, one that brought him both happiness and heart ache. 

  
She had been in a great deal of pain and he knew deep down inside that it wouldn’t be much longer she had been trying to tell him something for weeks, but he knew what it was and he didn’t want to hear it, wasn’t ready to hear it and on this specific day she had been determined that he would indeed listen to her.

  
“Sit down and please listen my teddy bear” she implored him with those big green eyes of hers, those eyes that could end him with one look, that could show him all her desires and express all her love.

  
“Tormund, I know this is hard, but I need you to know what I want, I need you to know something….”

  
He remembers holding his breath, praying that he wouldn’t have to hear these words from her, but knowing he owed it to her to listen.

  
“My beautiful giant teddy bear, I love you so much, I’m so sorry I have to leave you, I hope you know how happy you have made me, how much you filled my life with love and laughter,.... tears formed in his eyes just thinking of it, she was so beautiful and spoke to him with such strength.

"please my darling know I don’t want you to live holding onto my memory and only my memory, in time I want you to move on to find someone else, someone to love and to connect with, someone who cares for you, someone who will be there for you, don’t live without love, don’t live without friendship, don’t shut out the world, please sweetheart keep living this magnificent life of yours” she whispered, tears now falling from those beautiful eyes

  
“I can never love another as I love you” he had replied barely being able to get the words out

  
She had looked up and smiled, a smile that told him he wasn’t going to win, he searched her eyes, he could almost see in them her mind ticking away, thinking, conjuring a plan.

  
“Well how about this, when I think you are ready I will send you someone, someone who will be all you want all you can take at the time, a best friend, a companion, someone to love however you feel fit a girlfriend of sorts for you to interpret however you should desire” she smiled coyly

  
Chuckling to himself “My wife shall send me a girlfriend shall she, what a lovely wife I have, make sure she’s a ginger too will you, I like them a bit crazy” he kissed her forehead tenderly.

  
To this she smirked, placing her hand on his face bringing her lips to his, after they had finished the kiss, she had turned to him “You do not need to replace me, you can have something new, something different, a love that is nothing like you have experienced with me, remember that, there are many ways to be a boyfriend” she winked at him, before laying back down pulling him up on the bed to hold her.

  
It was nearly 3 years before he met Sansa and it was about 6 months after that, that he had told her about what Sarah had said that day to him, they had cried and laughed and from then on they had referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, an inside story that they shared with Sarah.

  
Bringing him back to reality was Brienne walking out of the room, sitting down between him and Jamie, grasping both of their hands and turning to look at him, while eyeing the two extras suspiciously 

  
“Why are they here” she whispered

  
“I don’t know, I told them if you and Arya want them gone, they had to go” she nodded leaning her head on Jamie’s shoulder but not letting his hand go.

  
“Tor get in there and see her, it will be good for her to hear your voice”

  
Nodding he stood up ready to walk in, when Arya came out, once again walking into his arms for a hug, still determined to hold her brave face intact, he could tell she was only just keeping it together.

  
“Go in and see her, she would want you in there with her” she said, walking away from him to stand in front of Sandor, who now seemed to be very much on guard when the small girl approached him.

  
Tormund went to stand beside her, she let out a big sigh looking at the man squeezed into the chair looking uncomfortable and sad in more ways than one

“I guess she would want you here too” she said meeting Sandor’s eyes as he looked up with a shocked expression.

  
Sensing that it was ok to leave, Tormund walked into the room letting the doors swing closed behind him.


	7. Green and Blue

**Chapter 7 – Green and Blue**

  
“You know he loves you, men they just get scared sometimes and I can tell that one he’s got some demons in him, but with you they are silenced, his rage was lessening, his heart began to bloom, I know he made some mistakes but maybe another chance wouldn’t be so bad” she heard a voice say to her, Sansa looked around, she was sitting on a bench seat looking out at the water, beautiful blue green water, the sun was bright and warm on her skin.

  
“Where am I?” she asked looking at the women sitting next to her on the bench seat, she was beautiful long blonde hair, bronzed skin and the greenest eyes Sansa had ever seen.

  
The women smiled kindly “Sansa you are just having a rest” she replied 

  
Sansa looked back out towards the water, she felt at ease an overwhelming wave of calm flowing over her “I could sit here forever, its wonderful” she whispered

  
“It is wonderful, but it’s time for you to go soon” the women said placing her hand on Sansa’s causing her up and away from the water.

  
“thank you for being there for him Sansa, I knew you were the right one” she smiled brightly, realizing she had to explain more, she continued

“Tormund he loves you and I’m so thankful that you love him back, you really are the best girlfriend” she whispered happily with a smirk on her face. 

  
Sansa’s eyes widened “Sarah” she whispered, a look of shock on her face.

  
Looking at the women who was nodding quietly “He’s happy Sansa, you’re his best friend, he loves you, he wants you to be happy you know” Sarah replied holding her hand. 

  
Sansa felt the tears in her eyes “Oh Sarah he misses you so very much, he really is the best, I love him too, he is my best friend truly, I just” she couldn’t finish as she felt the tears slowly flow down her face.

  
Sarah placed both of her hands on Sansas face “ Sansa, you have to try again with your big man, he’s scared, give him a chance too, take it slow, he loves you, you won’t loose Tormund” 

  
Sansa nodded “I don’t know if I can, if I can trust Sandor, I can’t feel that kind of hurt again, I wouldn’t survive it” she sobbed.

  
Sarah bought Sansa in and hugged her close, whispering in her ear “But you have to try my darling girl, your stronger than you realize” 

  
Sansa wrapped her arms around Sarah allowing the women to just hold her, slowly pulling away she felt Sarah wiping her tears away and kissing her forehead.   
“I think we would have been great friends you and I” Sansa said smiling up at her

  
“Oh, I would have been best friends with my husband’s girlfriend” the women laughed, making Sansa giggle.

  
They continued sitting in silence looking out at the water. 

  
“Sansa you have to go now, go back to them, don’t be afraid anymore” she smiled, giving her hand a squeeze 

  
“oh, and tell Tormund its ok to, he will know what i mean ” she winked at her, disappearing before Sansa could ask any more questions.

  
“Little Bird, god you have to wake up soon, it’s been too long, don’t you know we have to talk, I have to fucking beg you to listen to me, to give me another chance” he rasped, a tremor to his voice she had never heard before.

  
She felt her hand being engulfed by heavy warmth, she recognized the feeling _Sandor_ she thought, her heart beating a little faster at the thought of him.

  
“Sansa, I’m so sorry, for everything it was all my fucking fault, I was scared, scared of what it all meant of losing you, of losing myself, not being good enough for you, I'm a fucking coward, god I love you so much, I’m consumed by it, Its been 2 years and I cant live without you, I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you need, to have you back in my life, just give me the chance” he whispered, then she felt the warmth of water on her hand as he bought against his face.

  
_Oh, my big man_ she cried to herself, as the darkness came to her again, letting it claim her, just a little more rest my love she thought.

  
The light was bright, yellow overhead lights, the smell was clinical, her chest hurt, with every breath it felt as though someone was pushing down with a weight that was bruising, thoughts flew into her head Sandor, Tormund, Arya, Brienne she had heard all of their voices over the course of, she wasn’t sure what time period.

  
Pulling her arm up to touch her head and she begun to try open her eyes properly, she could see someone sitting on the chair next to her “gaaaahhh” she had gone to speak, but realized her mouth was dirt dry and nothing would come up.

  
“Shit San, your awake” she heard the anxious voice of Jamie 

  
“Hold tight sweetheart, I will get someone” he added, she reached out her hand and managed to grab his hand 

  
“Water” she squeaked out. 

  
“Oh sure, hold on” he gently lifted a plastic cup with cool water in it to her lips and she drank, trying to stop herself from sculling it down.

  
“How’s that” he asked as she looked up to him, seeing him come into focus “Better” she winced as she tried to move to get comfortable

  
“I’ll go get someone” he smiled, but not feeling ready for that just yet,

  
“No, not yet, just sit, how long, how long have I been here” 

  
Nodding and sitting on the bed, holding her hand “2 days, gave us all quite a bloody fright, your arm” he pointed as she looked over at her other arm “Is broken in 2 places, you have some bruising on your chest and legs, but you took a pretty big knock to the head, so we have just been waiting for you to wake up on your own” he smiled running his thumb over her knuckles reassuring her that she was ok and that she was safe.

  
“Car crash?” she said as more of a statement than a question

  
“Yeah truck pulled out in front of you, you were so lucky San, god we were worried” he said trying to keep his voice calm.

  
They sat there a little longer, in silence he was just holding her hand, it was a comforting to have him there, calming to just get her bearings back, when all of a sudden the doors swung open, she looked up to see Tormund and Sandor walking in, mid conversation, about what she wasn’t sure.

  
Both men stopped in their tracks with stunned looks on their faces when they saw Sansa laying there, her eyes open looking at them, trying to smile “Hey” she croaked

  
“I was trying to get out there to get you all, but she wasn’t ready, so we were just sitting here” Jamie said sheepishly, sensing the angry glare Sandor was giving him.

  
Tormund laughed “Lannister no need to explain, whatever the lady wants she gets” he grinned giving Sansa a wink that made her smile at him, before her eyes moved to Sandor who was looking at her like she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen.

  
“I’ll just go get the doctor and call Brienne and Arya” Jamie said standing and excusing himself from the room.

  
Sansa raised her hand toward Tormund he sat on the side of the bed taking her hand, the man looking over at Sandor with a grin on his face “Sit down big man, before you fall down” Sandor seemingly snapping back to reality, sat down in the chair next to the bed.

  
“So, you came back to us” Tormund said squeezing her hand gently, smiling kindly, trying to keep the relief off his face, but failing.

  
That look made the tears come, she couldn’t hold them in anymore, she began crying hard, all the emotions just coming out of her, she felt Tormund lean and hold her, whispering in her ear   
“It’s ok, its ok, you’re ok” “OH Torm, I have , I have so much to tell you, I dreamed or met, I don’t know, it was definitely, I have to tell you” she couldn’t get all the words out.

  
“hey, hey, hey its ok, just breath you’re alright sweetheart” he whispered sitting back up.

  
They sat in silence, then she reached out to Sandor who was still sitting in the chair next to her, his eyes now on the ground, obviously feeling uncomfortable with the intimacy of the moment, she reached for his hand and when she felt him grasp it, she laced their fingers together and gave it a small squeeze. 

  
Tormund smiled down at her, he leaned over to kiss her forehead “I’m going to go out and see where Lannister is, I’ll be back in a bit ok” she nodded but the tears began slipping down her face again 

  
“Hey, no more tears, its ok” he reassured her again with a smile, she nodded, and he slipped out of the room.

  
“I can umm, I can go if you want to sleep” she heard Sandor rasp, she began to try move to her side to face him more letting out a loud sob form the pain “Shit Sansa” he panicked at the sound, standing up and gently trying to move her to lay on her side.

  
“That ok?” he asked taking his hand away and sitting back down

  
“Thank you” she whispered “You’re here” she added 

  
“Yeh I’m here, that ok?” he asked looking worried she would send him away

  
“I, I heard what you said to me, you know when I was sleeping” 

  
“You did, yeh well, probably not a great time to talk about all that, but you know when your better maybe we can try to have that talk again, you know if you want too” he added

  
“Yes, that would be good” she yawned, feeling tired again

  
“Gods little bird, I love you so much, I have never been so worried” she heard his voice begin to crumble with emotion.

  
“Say it again” she whispered feeling her eyes close

  
“I love you little bird” she could hear the smile in his voice, as she felt sleep take her.


	8. Sleeping Arrangements

**Chapter 8 – Sleeping Arrangements**

  
Sansa had been home about 4 days, she was feeling stronger with every day, the bruising to her chest and legs causing her the most trouble, that and the occasional headache, but she knew that given time she would feel better and be back to her normal life in no time.

  
In the mean time she had plenty of people checking in on her, keeping her company and generally making sure she was ok. 

  
Tormund had stayed every night and the last few nights he had slept next to her, she had told him about her dream about Sarah the details of it had been mixed, but she had described her to him and he taken a shaky breath nodding and listening intently, they had discussed it in length both laughing and crying at different points, she felt calm with him sleeping next to her at night, it was nice to have someone there and he was handy when she needed to get up to go to the bathroom and take showers, although the first time he had offered to help her, she had blushed and told him that it was absolutely out the question but eventually she realized he didn’t care and neither should she.

  
Tormund had told her about Sandor and how he hadn’t left the hospital even showering there, he had encouraged her to reach out to him, to at least talk, promising her if he fucked up again that Tormund would kill him for her, he laughed at the time, but Sansa thought she saw a speck of truth in his eyes.

  
It was a dreary day and Tormund had just gotten in from the gym, he finished early, he had lay down next to her flicking through possible Netflix shows before nodding off, snoring peacefully next to her. 

  
She picked up her phone and scrolled through her numbers before reaching Sandor’s number, deciding to send him a text.

  
**SS – hey, how’s your day?**   
**SC – hi, its ok, how are you feeling little bird?**   
**SS – ok still pretty sore, but every day I’m feeling stronger**   
**SC – that’s good**

  
Sansa sighed, feeling a little disappointed by his response, before her phone buzzed again.

  
**SC – I would really like to see you**   
**SS – really?**   
**SC – yes whenever you can spare some time**   
**SS – would you like to come over tonight, I mean I’m kind of house bound at the moment**

  
There was a long pause when he didn’t reply, and Sansa felt her heart sink.

  
**SC – ok, what’s the address? And are you sure everyone will be alright with that?**

  
Sansa smiled to herself, replying with the address and that it would be fine.

  
With that she closed her eyes and fell asleep, smiling to herself.

  
It wasn’t till she heard a faint knock at her door “San you awake” that she slowly woke from her sleep, then heard the door open 

  
“San” she heard Arya hiss “Sissy, wake up” she felt Tormund move next to her “Shut up Arya, god” he grumbled. 

  
“Well one of you needs to wake up and come greet the visitor who’s waiting in the lounge for you” Arya said with grin on her face, turning and walking back down the hall, Sansa heard Arya speak again “Just go on back there and remember what I told you at the gym, before you go acting, well acting like you” 

  
At that Sansa sat up quickly, wincing at the pain she felt from the sudden movement, looking up to see Sandor standing at the doorway to her bedroom, eyes fixed on a sleeping Tormund on the pillow next to her, swallowing hard wondering how this was going to go

  
“Hey, can you give me hand to get up” she asked, trying to ignore the look of utter annoyance on his face.

  
Before she knew it she felt his arms around her, gently helping her to her feet, she wrapped her hands around his waist and held herself there for a moment she heard him let out a big breath, leaning back she looked up at him, his eyes met hers and she smiled 

  
“Let’s walk out to the living area” as they headed out she closed the door behind her.

  
Arya was sitting on the sofa watching a movie on Netflix, she looked up at them, trying to hide the smirk on her face when she met Sansas eyes that were wide and saying to her _What the fuck did you send him down there for_, with a shrug she turned her head back to the t.v.

  
“Want to sit out on the balcony?” she asked, when he nodded, she led the way out the double doors and to the table and chairs that sat out there.

  
“How was your day?” she asked feeling nervous and not really knowing where to look.

  
“Little bird, are we really going to do that” he rasped, rubbing his hands over his face looking frustrated.

  
“How about you start then Sandor, you wanted to talk so talk” she snapped back at him, feeling annoyed, she knew he wasn’t happy with what he saw in her room, but she wasn’t going to apologize for that, she would explain it if he asked but she didn’t owe him anything and she was going to try and remain strong through this, he could put on his big boy pants and talk.

  
There was a long pause before he started.

  
“What I did, I mean before with us, there’s no excuse for that, I was scared of what I felt, I’d never felt that way before, I felt like I had no control like I was spiraling, so I shut you out, figured I didn’t deserve you anyway, so the sooner I got free of you the sooner you could find someone better and I could feel like me again” he let out a big breath looking up at her, fixing his eyes to hers , reaching for her hand and speaking again

  
“But there was a problem, I didn’t feel like me again, I felt sadder, more alone than i ever had, like a piece of me was missing, a piece I tried to fill with work, other countries, boxing, even other women” he heard her breath hitch, but continued.

  
“But nothing fit, I just got sadder and this fucking ache” he held his other hand to his chest “In my chest and the pit in my stomach just grew by the day, I tried not to think of you, tried to pretend that I didn’t know what was missing, but eventually I had to admit it to myself, it was you Sansa, I missed you, because I was and I still am very much in love with you” he paused sensing he should keep going.

  
“You see little bird, nothing for me is good if you aren’t there to share it, that used to scare me to feel dependent on someone for happiness, god happiness, but I’m not scared of it anymore, I just want you and I will do anything to make this right with us, whatever you want as slow as you want” he finished still holding her hand.

  
Sansa let out a shaky breath and looked out over the balcony at the streetlights and cars going passed, not knowing where to start or really what to say.

  
“Please say something, anything” she heard him rasp his tone begging

  
Her words came out without her even realizing at first.

  
“You broke my heart, I’ve never felt so shattered and broken in all my life, I cried for weeks, maybe even months, I thought I wasn’t good enough, or that I had done something wrong, Sandor you broke up with me in a text message, after we had dated for 8 months the week after I had slept with you for the first time” she wiped a tear from her face quickly.

  
“That night, to me meant everything, I didn’t even know love could be like that or that I could feel like that, I left your house thinking I never ever wanted to forget it, then you ended it and I replayed it in my mind over and over, ripping it apart, searching for what I did wrong, for why I deserved what had happened, for why you didn’t want me”

  
“Sansa” she heard him say 

  
“Don’t, don’t say you’re sorry, don’t say anything, just let me talk” she whispered, letting his hand go and playing with hem of her t shirt.

  
“As the months went on, I begun to feel a bit better, a bit stronger, I met people who I let into my life and who begun to show me love and kindness and my heart began to repair itself I suppose” she paused looking out into the night sky searching for her next words.

  
But then he cut in.

  
“If you’re trying to tell me you want him, just fucking say it, don’t sit me out here after I helped you out of the bed you were sharing with him and play games Sansa, just fucking tell me, if its him, just fucking say it and I will go”   
He was now on his feet leaning over her, rage seeping out of evert pore, his voice had been raised and obviously caught the attention of Arya who was now storming toward him.

  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing” the younger sister hissed 

  
“Don’t you dare lean over her like that, you think you can intimidate her, get the fuck out” she started, before Sansa shook her head at her.

  
“Arya its ok, he won’t hurt me, I’m ok, we are just talking, it got heated but Sandor is going to sit down now and calm down”   
Sansa looked at Sandor then moved her eyes to his chair, watching the man’s shoulders sag in defeat as he sat back down. Arya looked at them both before nodding and turning around to go back inside.

  
“Sansa, I” he began

  
“Stop Sandor, me and him, what we are to each other is different from what me and you were or are, it’s hard to explain and I guess you will have to just trust me and spend time with us to understand it, but understand one thing, what just happened 2 minutes ago, can’t happen again, I won’t have you speak to me like that or try to scare me or whatever that was, I can see how it looked in my room, and I don’t want you to feel hurt, but you acting like that, so aggressive, no I won’t accept that from you”

  
Nodding his head looking ashamed and completely lost, he knelt beside her, laying his head on her lap “god I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m fucking this all up, I can feel it, just don’t send me away, please don’t send me away” 

  
She pushed her fingers through his hair that was tied back in a low bun behind his head, moving her hand over the scarred side of his face, trying to reassure and calm him, realizing how nice it felt to be like this with him again.

  
After a long while of silence, she spoke “let’s start off slow, we can text and maybe go out together or spend time altogether, let’s just take our time” she whispered, feeling him nod, lifting his head, bringing her hand to his lips.

  
Next thing they knew Brienne was poking her head out the door “You guys want pizza, we are ordering it now, its Arya’s turn to cook, but she says she can’t be assed” rolling her eyes.

  
Sansa looked at Sandor and smiled “Yeah Bri sounds good”

  
Sitting at the dining table, the front door swung open, as Jamie walked in carrying a mountain of pizzas so high, he couldn’t even see in front of him 

  
“Can someone fucking take some of these before I drop them, he called” as Sandor stood to grab some off the pile,

  
“oh, shit Clegane, look at you being all helpful” he smirked looking over at Sansa while he laughed at the big man.

  
With a huge yawn, coming from the hall, a shirtless Tormund came into view stretching his long muscular arms over his head.

  
“fuck that was a good nap, I was so fucking tired, San I reckon it’s that lemon stuff that you spray on your pillows, I just have the best sleeps” he said not noticing Sandor who was now standing next to Brienne helping with the pizzas in the kitchen.

  
Sansa watched as Tormund walked up to her “You ok, someone help you up, need anything” he whispered squeezing her shoulder and leaving his hand there as she shook her head pointing at Sandor in the kitchen who was watching the two of them.

  
“Nah Sandor helped me up” she smiled over at him, Tormund looked over a grin on his face 

  
“Shit, nice to see you Clegane, and look at you being all helpful in the kitchen, making us other blokes look bad” he teased, watching Sandor grumble to himself, turning to keep helping Brienne with the plates.

  
“Well actually only you look bad, I picked up the pizzas” Jamie said as he walked in to put his arms around Brienne’s waist.

  
“Hey, I help around here” the ginger man protested

  
“Yeah he’s on bathroom and shower duty with San so he’s the most helpful in my opinion” Arya added smirking in Sandor’s direction knowing that he wouldn’t want to hear that piece of information and feeling triumphant when she saw the dejected look on the man’s face.

  
“Thank you Arya, even though I sense that was more a dig at the big guy here, I will allow it because it shows I’m a valid member of this fucking group” Tormund answered cocking his eyebrow in Arya’s direction and giving Sansas shoulder another squeeze.

  
“ok, ok enough of the digs, I think everyone’s just hangry, let’s eat” Brienne announced trying to diffuse the tension.

  
“Come on Sandor come sit” she gestured as they all began to sit at the dining table.

  
Sansa let out a breath feeling relief, hoping that all this was a new beginning, a sign that things were on the up and up and that maybe, just maybe her and Sandor had taken their first steps towards repairing their relationship.


	9. Theres something on the balcony

**Chapter 9 – There’s something on the balcony**

  
**SC – feel like a coffee this afternoon?**   
**SS – sure, place and time?**   
**SC – Pier 33 – 2pm**   
**SS – it’s a date**   
**SC – is it?**   
**SS – do you want it to be?**   
**SC – of course I bloody do**   
**SS – well good then I look forward to seeing you Mr. Clegane**   
**SC – Why yes Miss Stark, I am very much looking forward to seeing you too.**

  
Grinning to himself, he looked at the clock, one hour till he saw her. 

  
It had been a few days since pizza at her place and all the awkward shit that had happened that night, he was still trying to be ok with whatever it was between her and Giantsbane, he knew that he had to be ok with it, he was pretty sure if she had to choose between the two of them, she wouldn’t choose him and he couldn’t risk losing her, so he had decided he would try his best to understand and accept it. 

  
However that was proving incredibly hard, he had come to fucking despise the man, the very sight of him at the gym made him fill with rage, the way he had touched Sansa that night, the way she was so relaxed with him, the fact their relationship was obviously very intimate, on a level he didn’t understand at all. 

  
Her bloody sister had taken great joy in exposing that he was currently assisting her to bathe, he had taken one look at the triumphant smirk on her face and known she had only done that because she was mad at what she saw him doing on the balcony, he was mad at himself for how he had lost it like that. 

  
It wasn’t until he was trying to talk it through with Bronn that Bronn had rather indelicately pointed out that he was insanely jealous of the connection they had, admitting to Sandor that he had even seen it between the two, they had an understanding of one another, that came so easily and freely that it almost felt like you were intruding just being there, Sandor had seen it at the hospital when they had first found her awake, he had even to degree heard it from Arya, he wondered how he could compete with that or even if he had anything to offer her, if she already had that with someone else.

  
No, He would have to just hang in there, take it slow, trust his little bird and he did he knew she wouldn’t string him along, would she, god he needed to get a grip.

  
Sitting in the Café he watched as a car pulled up, Jamie Lannister jumping out and carefully helping Sansa out of the car, giving her a wave as he got back in and reversed out, driving off.

  
He watched in awe as she walked slowly towards him, wearing an emerald green sweater that was pulled up on one side exposing the caste on her arm, and wearing black tight fitting jeans on her gorgeous long legs with high heeled boots, her hair in soft curls over her shoulders. She really was the most beautiful women he had ever seen.

  
“hey” she smiled as he stood to greet her, noticing she didn’t stop and put her arms around him bringing him into a hug, which allowed him to breath in her scent, sweet lemons. 

  
“Hi” he whispered, feeling reluctant to let her go. Helping her sit, noticing she still winced in pain, “What will ya have? I’ll go order” he asked “that salted caramel brownie looks amazing and a peppermint tea please” she smiled at him

  
“Still addicted to sweets I see” he smiled “I’m a fan of things both sweet and salty” she smiled coyly is she flirting with me he grinned turning to the counter.

  
“so, tell me, where have you been these past 2 years, the other night you said countries, where?” she smiled, taking a sip of her tea

  
“I’ve been all over the place working on projects just wherever they wanted to send me next, Japan for about 4 months, Germany for 6 months, that was a bigger project, ummm Italy for 6 months too, and then I spent some time in New York as well, I hadn’t been back to Kings Landing for more than a night until about a week before I saw you at the club that night, I had just moved back and was staying with Bronn and Margery, that was her sitting on my chair that night” he added trying to not being too obvious in his want for her to know that bit of information.

  
“Right, well that makes sense I guess, I never saw you, I always expected to run into you, but now hearing about all those countries it all fits, also I’m sorry about that night by the way, I mean the way I acted, I was drunk and I guess I was just in shock seeing you and oh god Arya, well I can’t say I was sorry at the time for her part in it, but I guess now I am” she smirked

  
“Your sister was just protecting you; she still is, I can tell she’s not ecstatic I’m back in your life” he sighed rubbing his face looking up at her, trying to give her a smile

  
“Well yeah, but she will come around” she smiled 

  
“The other night what she said about the shower stuff” she winced feeling uncomfortable bringing it up “that’s was a dig” she added

  
“oh, so he’s not been helping you shower and bathe?” he snapped, looking at her heatedly, feeling the rage starting to simmer within him.

  
Bringing her hand to her face, letting her shoulder sag “No she was telling the truth he has been helping with lots of things one of them is showers” she whispered the last bit and he could see her bracing herself for his expected outburst.

  
I, I want to spend some more time with you all, especially you and him I mean Tormund, I want to understand it Sansa I really do” he rasped, hoping that she would like that and that he wasn’t setting himself up for absolute failure.

  
Looking up at the enormous smile on her face, led him to believe he had said the right thing, as he felt her hand reach out to his leg under the table and squeeze it.  
“So, what are your plans for the rest of the day” she asked, changing the subject while breaking off a piece of her brownie.

  
“Nothing much, taking an early day today, so just home after this” he answered

  
“Well I told Jamie you would give me a ride home, so why don’t you come home with me for dinner tonight, I don’t know who will be there but I’m not really ready for this to end yet” she smiled motioning between the two of them.

  
Smiling at her and lacing his fingers with hers, he helped her up from the table and they walked out together holding hands.  
He helped her open the passenger side of his car, before she got in she leant forward and he felt her lips on his, the kiss was slow and tender, his hands came to rest on her hips and he felt her snake her arms around his neck pulling him in closer, he lifted a hand into her hair pulling her head closer still, she opened her mouth allowing his tongue in and when she touched her tongue to his lips he thought his legs might give way under him, it wasn’t until he heard her wince quietly in pain, that he slowly released her, bringing her in for a gentle hug. 

  
Hearing her sigh with content in his arms, his heart was beating out of his chest as he stood in the carpark holding her, feeling like pieces of him were coming back together again, it was an odd feeling, but he didn’t feel scared, he felt ready.

  
Walking up the path to their house Sansa started laughing “What’s so funny little bird” he whispered into her ear as he put his arm around her waist. 

  
“Well I just never know what I’m going to find when I walk in this door, you stick around long enough you will see what I mean” she laughed

  
He smiled, but feeling wounded, did she not expect him to stick around, did she not think he was here to stay.

  
Opening the door, they were greeted by Arya and Gendry seated on the couch, loud music coming from the kitchen and even louder singing, the unmistakable sound of the big ginger, singing his heart out to what sounded like Adele.

  
He watched as Sansa walked into the kitchen a big goofy grin on her face then watched her burst into laughter, the big man turning to her gently picking her up and pretending to dance with her while still singing the lyrics loudly to Rolling the Deep. 

  
Noticing Sandor, he stopped and put her down, turning down the music 

  
“hey man, you want a beer?” trying to push away his previous thoughts he nodded and watched as Tormund reached into the fridge and grab him a beer.

  
“San, can you keep an eye on this for a minute I want to show Sandor something out on the balcony” he said looking up at Sandor and nodding towards the double doors.

  
Sandor looked at Sansa who was still smiling, she winked at him and turned to stir whatever was cooking.

  
Sandor walked out onto the deck, not sure what was happening, but he had a feeling that Tormund didn’t have anything to show him as such.  
There was a moment of silence when he heard the other man clear his throat.

  
“You know I used to be married, she died, cancer” he said not looking at Sandor.

  
“She was amazing and when she died, part of me died with her, I was lost for a long time, not really belonging anywhere, not really wanting to either, just living in my sadness, trying to get used to it”

  
He cleared his throat again, as Sandor eyed him, hoping he would continue.

  
“Then one day I met her, in a bookshop of all bloody places, it’s like we recognized each other pain or something, I don’t pretend to understand how this fucking shit works, we became friends, close friends, we have even tried being more than friends for a brief moment”

  
He paused looking at Sandor, Sandor tried to keep his facials neutral, nodding as if to say carry on.

  
“It was a mutual thing, we knew that it wasn’t what we wanted, that part just wasn’t there for either of us, to be honest would have been easier if had of been, but what was also a mutual thing is that we knew we loved one another despite it, it was certainly something I had never had before, she told me all about you, I told her all bout Sarah, there’s not much we haven’t shared about our lives with each other, it was like therapy in a way, like we were healing one another or something” he let out a deep breath, but gave a noise as if to say he wasn’t finished.

  
“The reason, the reason I’m saying this, is I can see your uncomfortable with it, I can see how you want to rip my head off with your bare hands, I see it in your eyes every time I see you and I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere, unless she asks me too”

  
Sandor let out a growl starting feel anger wondering where the hell this little chat was going, before hearing Tormund continue.

  
“But I also want to add that I do get it, if my wife had someone like San and I are in her life, it would be confronting and hard to understand, so what I’m saying to you is this, I’m not a threat to you and Sansa relationship, I want her to be happy and I think if you stop with all the angry and being a complete fuckwit you can give that to her, but you can’t keep getting weird about our friendship all the time, and she can’t feel like she can’t just be normal with me when your around, I don’t want to feel like we can’t be around each other, because we do need each other”

  
Sandor let out a growl, then a big defeated sigh “ I don’t really understand it, what it is between you, thank you for telling me all that, well most of it, I can’t say hearing you two have had sex helps, but I don’t want that either the bit about her not being able to be herself because I can’t get accept it, I can see how close the two of you are and I won’t lie, I’m so fucking jealous it drives me fucking crazy, but I’m trying to respect it and I respect you for talking to me.”

  
“And I fucking love her too” he added before sculling the whole beer feeling incredibly uncomfortable with how easy he just said all that to the big ginger.

  
“We never had sex ,as such” he began when Sandor put his hand up stopping him “No, not another fucking word, don’t say another fucking word, or I don’t think I will be able to stop myself from ripping your god damn head off” he growled

  
He watched as Tormund turned to him booming with laughter “aww look at you Clegane getting all emotional, see this, this is good” he motioned between the two of them laughing at Sandor.

  
“yeh ok, let’s go back in, I need another drink” he rasped, heading towards the door back into the kitchen feeling Tormund whack him on the back, before greeting Sansa who was still stirring at the stove   
“Ok girlfriend, you didn’t burn it did ya?” he watched Sansa roll her eyes handing over the wooden spoon to Tormund and walking toward him.

  
“let’s go sit on the sofa, see what they are watching” she said taking his hand and steering to the large arm chair, he sat down and then noticed her looking back to let him know she planned on sitting on his lap.

  
“do you watch sons of anarchy?” Arya asked him without turning her head toward him.

  
“Yeh I do” he rasped in reply “I’ve seen this, episode its good” he added

  
“yeh well don’t fucking say anything more, I’m catching up Gendry watched ahead of me, so I’m trying to catch up” she snapped 

  
Sandor looked over at Gendry who rolled his eyes and took another swig of his beer.

  
The front door swung open and in walked Brienne and Jamie “Well isn’t this cozy” Jamie laughed looking at everyone “Coffee date went well then ay San” he said giving her a wink and eyeing Sandor.

  
Sandor spent the night watching interactions and listening to conversations, joining in when he felt the need, he laughed when Arya jumped out of her seat when Bobby was shot on Sons of Anarchy, he tried not to cringe when he saw Tormund feed Sansa a bit of the sauce he was cooking on a spoon from the pot, they all tried not to look whenever Jamie kissed Brienne with an inappropriate intensity, the two clearly forgetting they weren’t alone.

  
When it was getting late and he noticed Sansa yawning he said he would get going, before Tormund announced he was stealing one of Sansa pillows for the couch tonight, he knew it was the big gingers ways of letting him know that’s where he would be sleeping and Sandor found himself feel strangely grateful to the man.

  
Sansa walked him out to the gate, where he kissed her again, driving off home with a full heart and a smile on his face. 


	10. Secrets

**Chapter 10 - Secrets**

  
_ **3 weeks later** _

  
Sansa was back at work, she was back at the gym, she was back to feeling like her normal self, things were feeling good and she was feeling happy with how life was going along for her.

Work had been crazy busy, with all the time she had off after the accident, she had spent a lot of time playing catch up on things, her body was recovering well and she was slowly introducing her old gym routines and work out regimes.

  
Things with Sandor were going slowly, but she felt happy with it, they were taking their time to reconnect, they talked a lot about their feelings and their past together, it all felt positive and she was loving that flutter in her stomach she got whenever he would text her, or kiss her or just steer at her with eyes that looked as though they wanted to devour her.

  
It was a cold rainy day and Sansa was heading into the gym, she was meeting Sandor there, but because she was closer she usually always got there first, she climbed the stairs up to the first floor and was about to go in and see Tormund when she noticed him talking to a tall women with light brown hair, she was wearing a cute gym outfit, the kind that Sansa could tell she had taken the time to put together, it wasn’t just thrown together, no this was a gym “outfit” its purpose was to impress in every sense of the word. 

  
Standing off to the side, watching the pair for a bit, she noticed how the women put her hand on Tormund’s arm as she spoke and how he seemed to come alive at her touch, his eyes sparkling and his body language giving away his attraction to her. 

  
So engrossed in watching the two was she that she didn’t notice Sandor come up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him, his mouth on her ear “ Little Bird I’ve missed you” he rasped in her ear, sending a shiver through her body, but not distracting enough to make her pull her attention away from what she was watching.

  
“Who’s that talking to the big ginger?” he asked, probably noticing where she was looking.

  
“I don’t know” she answered, feeling strange, she didn’t know who that women was, Tormund hadn’t mentioned a women, but it certainly didn’t look like the first time they had met, Sansas mind was working overtime and she was wondering why she was feeling this sense of panic.

  
Feeling Sandor’s lips on her jaw and neck, she let out a sigh, but couldn’t stop watching, until eventually the women walked away, forcing Tormund to turn and see the two standing there.

  
Tormund’s gaze turned to Sansa, looking into her eyes in a way that said he didn’t want to answer the questions her face was obviously betraying “get a room you two” he said as he walked back behind the counter.

  
Trying to keep her face relaxed she walked over “hey boyfriend, who was that?” she tried to ask casually as she felt Sandor come up beside her, his hand reaching around to grasp her hip and bring her closer to him. 

  
Tormund looked up but avoided her eyes “That, oh that was Ellaria” is all he said before Sandor interrupted

  
“Little bird leave the man alone, can’t you see he’s trying to pick his tongue up off the floor” he rasped chuckling, while Tormund looked as though he was blushing as he turned around and walked into the office without saying another word.

  
Sansa followed Sandor over to the weight machines that they would be using, but Sansa found herself continuing to look over towards the front desk, a million questions going through her mind, why didn’t he tell me about her? Who is she to him? Are they dating? What the hell is going on? Why did he blank me just now?

  
“little bird”

  
“Little Bird”

  
“Earth to Sansa” he rasped louder

  
That got her attention as her head snapped up and looked at Sandor who was looking at her with concern. “Sorry, sorry what was that”

  
“I asked if you wanted to get dinner after this, is everything ok?” he said turning to look over at the desk because that where she was still looking, trying to snap out of it “What? Yeah sorry, dinner Yes! that sounds good” she stood trying to look unfased

  
“Sansa, what’s wrong?” he rasped as he came closer and stood in front of her.

  
Looking up at him, she smiled sweetly and tugged him down for a kiss “Nothing, I’m fine”

  
The rest of the workout was a blur as her mind swarmed with questions and this weird feeling of dread swirled in her stomach, her and Sandor grabbed some food and decided to take it home, they were heading to her place, when she turned to him “Can I stay at your place tonight?” she asked 

  
Sandor who was mid sip of his coke, spluttered and looked over at her, eyes wide “Um yeah of course little bird whatever you want, you want to grab some clothes from your place first?” he asked, she nodded and they parked up outside and walked up the path and inside.

  
Gendry was in the kitchen “hey guys, Sandor want a beer?” he offered, Sandor nodded as Sansa made her way down to her room to pack a bag, noting to herself that Tormund wasn’t there, which would be the first night in weeks he hadn’t come over, or come to think of it hadn’t been there when she got home something isn’t right.

  
As she threw some work clothes and toiletries into an overnight bag she could feel herself becoming angrier by the minute, her body was tense, she was feeling so agitated_ why hasn’t he told me about her, is he keeping it a secret, why isn’t he here, why did he shut me out tonight?_ _is he with her, why is this bothering me, what am I afraid of, this is ridiculous fuck him, he can keep his secrets_ she thought as she ripped the zip up on her bag and threw it over her shoulder and walked out into the living area.

  
“Hey sis, where’s Torm?” Arya asked from her seat on the sofa

  
Feeling defensive and incredibly mad at being asked the question “How am I meant to know, I’m not his keeper” she snapped back

  
Arya turned to look at her “Well excuse me, but you two always know each other’s every movements and whereabouts I assumed you would know why he hasn’t been over tonight; I mean he’s here every other bloody night” she said her facials going from mad to concerned, standing up and walking over toward her.

“Sansa, what’s wrong?” she asked gently putting her hand on her sisters’ shoulder.

  
Sansa avoided eye contact, worried she might burst into angry ugly tears and still not understanding why, aware that Sandor is now behind her watching the situation unfold.

  
“Nothing’s wrong Arya, I don’t know where he is, I’m staying at Sandor’s tonight so I will be home after work tomorrow ok” she replied quietly, feeling annoyed that her voice sounded shaky and catching the look that Arya threw to both Sandor and Gendry over her shoulder.

  
“Ok, well have a good night, text me later if you feel like it” she whispered the last part, trying not to give away the concern she obviously felt for her older sister.

  
“yep” Sansa replied turning to Sandor “Shall we go” she looked over at him a forced smile on her face.

  
Catching Sandor throwing a look of concern back at Arya, as if they were having some kind of unspoken telepathic conversation with one another.

  
The car ride to Sandor’s was a quiet one, with Sansa trying not to notice the sideways glances he kept shooting her as he drove to his place.  
Once inside she said she wanted to take a quick shower before dinner and headed for the bathroom, Sandor just nodded, she could feel his eyes on her back as she walked down the hall and through the door closing it behind her.

  
Turning the shower on, she undressed got in and crouched down in the corner, letting the water run over her _get it together Sansa, you know what Sandor’s thinking out there, he’s thinking your upset because you are jealous of that girl, don’t do that to him, just slap on a happy face, it’s going to be ok, just get it together_ she told herself, slowly standing, washing, then turning off the water and getting dressed.

  
They ate dinner in silence, they watched tv in silence, then when they went to bed, silence. 

  
Sandor wrapped his arms around her pulling her in close, kissing her neck “Little bird, I know you’re not ok, but I won’t push you, I’m here when you are ready to talk, I love you” he whispered in her ear, she squeezed his arm and snuggled back into his arms trying to relax, she felt him fall asleep, listening to his breaths slow and steady.

  
Looking at the clock 2am she was still wide awake, she slipped out of Sandor’s arms, and walked out to the sofa turning the tv on low and lay there watching it, she heard his footsteps coming toward her, obviously he had woken and realized she wasn’t in bed.

  
“Sansa, little bird, what are you doing?” he rasped sounding half asleep

  
“Couldn’t sleep, go back to bed, I’ll come in soon” she whispered

  
He looked at her, rubbing the back of his neck, then sitting in an armchair next to the sofa she was on.  
“What’s wrong, just talk to me, maybe I can help you figure it out” he offered, she could hear the desperation in his voice, and she felt terrible for making him feel that way.

  
There was a long silence, while she debated what to say, if anything.

  
“Sansa, fuck, please tell me what the hell is going on” he said, his voice had gone from desperation to boarding on agitated.

  
“It’s not what you think” she blurted out

  
“What do I think Sansa?” he snapped at her, putting her automatically on the defensive

  
“You think that I’m, that I’m jealous or something and it’s not that, it has nothing to do with romantic feelings, but you will think the worst, because that’s just you and then I will have to deal with that as well and I just can’t” she snapped back, furiously wiping away the tears her traitorous body were producing.

  
She heard him sigh and looked up to see him now kneeling in front of her, his hands reaching up to wipe her tears away, “What is it then?” he asked gently

  
“I, I’m worried I’m losing him, why hasn’t he mentioned her to me, why haven’t we talked it to death, like we do with everything, we are together at home all the time, why is he shutting me out, somethings not right but he won’t tell me” she sobbed feeling ridiculous crying to him about this and a little bit worried that he could still take it all the wrong way.

  
“Little bird, you know I don’t exactly understand what you two are, I mean the friendship you two have, it’s not something I have ever had in my life with anyone but you, but we, we have all the other stuff too you know, so, but, but I, may I suggest, talking to him about this” he said taking her hand in his.

  
Nodding she leant in hugging him while he held her in his arms “Sandor please don’t say anything to him, just let me handle it ok” he nodded standing and picking her up with him.

  
“Come to bed little bird, I can turn the tv on in the bedroom, let me hold you” he whispered using his finger to tilt her chin up towards him, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

  
The next day at work on her lunch break, Sansa was tired, no sleep and when she did it was restless.

  
**SS – Hey Boyfriend, lets talk, catch up, tonight?**   
**BF – sorry can’t, talk later**   
**SS – everything ok?**   
**BF – yep all good here.**

  
Sansa looked down at the phone, sighing_ Don’t do this Tor, don’t shut me out._


	11. flowers, head and arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut... small amount but its here.

**Chapter 11 – Flowers, head and arguments**

  
It had been a week since Sansa had first slept over, she had stayed 3 other random nights since, the first time and although they still hadn’t done anything more than kissing and heavy touching, he felt happy to have her with him more, but there was this nagging feeling he had that she still hadn’t talked to the big ginger, god they had barely seen him, even Sandor could feel that something was wrong.

  
Sansa seemed to make every excuse under the sun as to why she couldn’t work out at the gym and Tormund seemed to avoid her just the same, knowing he had agreed not to get involved he continued to hold his tongue about the matter, knowing she was upset bothered him though, she often looked lost in thought and he knew why , he tried to not let it get to him, to not let it play on his fears. 

  
He tried to broach the subject with her a couple more times, but she pushed it away, insisting she was ok and that nothing was wrong. _Such bullshit_

  
So he carried on, and before he knew it, it was Sunday and they had decided to do dinner at her place with everyone, Sansa had stayed at her place last night, having what she called as a girls night with Arya and Brienne, watching movies and eating chocolate, so when she messaged to say come over for dinner he was happy, it had only been a night but he had missed her like crazy, which both warmed his heart and scared the shit out of him, because he knew if for some reason this whole Tormund thing was something more than just a best friend fucking tiff, he would be absolutely fucked if she left him, he hated feeling that, she had never given him a reason not to trust her, but not fully understanding her friendship with the ginger had made his anxiety kick up a notch.

  
Knocking on the door holding a bunch of pink and yellow roses he hoped she would like; he was greeted by Brienne opening the door.  
“hey, oh flowers, for me you shouldn’t have” she teased poking her tongue out at him as he rolled her eyes faking a laugh, which only made her laugh at him more   
“Sandor we will become great friends you and I, I can just feel it, you know if I decide I like you that is” she joked as she pointed to where Sansa was, down in her room.

  
Standing at the door he watched her, sitting on her bed scrolling through her phone, then he noticed her wipe her eye quickly, before throwing her phone onto the bedside table with more energy than one would usually use to put their phone down. 

  
Clearing his throat so she would know he was there, she turned around 

  
“hi” she smiled one of her smiles that always left him speechless, standing and walking to him, eyeing the bouquet of flowers he held   
“You bringing Bri flowers again” she smirked, obviously having heard what happened at the door  
“ha ha ha” he replied dryly “everyone in the house is a comedian tonight” he grumbled handing her the flowers and kissing her softly, which she then deepened with a hunger than nearly knocked him over.

  
“kiss me like that little bird and you can have all the flowers you want” he rasped having to stop himself from throwing her on the bed, closing the door and taking her right there and then.

  
Before he could fully push those thoughts away, she was kissing him again, her tongue caressing his, moaning when he felt her hand brush against his crotch.

  
“Little bird” he said gently warning her, but she carried on kissing him and pulling him into the room, only pausing so she could quietly close the door and click the lock, then she was back on him.

  
All his senses were consumed with her, her hands traced his biceps then her nails scraped down his chest and palms back over his steadily growing cock, she continued to repeat the same pattern, as her mouth and tongue kissed him senseless, only pulling away when they both needed air.

  
Then she was kissing along his jaw and up his neck, it was when he felt her teeth gently bite his earlobe that he let out a groan “Sansa, baby if you keep this up, I’m not going to able to stop” he rasped, trying to gain control of himself.

  
He felt her push him towards the bed, motioning for him to sit she stood between his legs, his hands rubbing up and down the sides of her body, “Sandor, lets just get lost for a bit” she kissed him again this time pushing his body down on the bed, but leaving his legs hanging off the side, he wasn’t sure where this was going, he was worried about the motivation or what she meant by “getting lost” but he was rapidly loosing his ability to think straight.

  
Feeling her hand come under his shirt, then pulling it up, he removed it for her, throwing it over his shoulder onto the ground, the look in her eyes was pure lust, her eyelids heavy with want as she greedily looked at his body, rubbing her hand over his chest, gently running her fingers over his nipples, making him hiss with pleasure “so strong, so sexy” she whispered to him as she began kissing his neck and then down his chest over his stomach heading south at a deliciously slow sensual pace.

  
He felt her fingers at the buckle of his belt, then at the button and zipper on his jeans.

  
“Little bird what, what are you doing? You don’t” he couldn’t finish, because he felt her mouth on him, so warm, so attentive, caressing his cock with her tongue taking more and more of him with every suck, his hands went into her hair

  
“Gods Sansa, Fuck” he hissed losing himself to the feel of her hot mouth, he let out a groan that sounded more like an animalistic growl as he felt himself building at a rapid pace. 

  
“Fuck Sansa, Fuck, if you don’t fucking stop, I’m going to come very soon” he hissed, his head thrown back in pleasure, his other hand fisting the duvet on her bed as he tried to prevent his body from thrusting into her mouth, he felt her hum with enthusiasm and that all but broke him. 

  
His body began gently thrusting, as she used her hand to grip the bottom of his cock while she sucked and licked harder and harder “Fuck Sansa stop I’m going to, fuck” he hissed not being able to make full sentences, she hummed again holding onto him with a strength he didn’t know she had, with one final thrust and a long groan that he was pretty sure was way too loud, he found his release with an intensity he hadn’t felt before.

  
She continued sucking until she had taken every drop, gently releasing him, coming up to lay next to him, he turned to see her watching him with a big smile on her face, licking her lips.

  
“Fucking hell Little Bird what the hell was that” he looked at her still catching his breath.

  
She smiled at him, his favorite secretive smile she usually only gave to him.

  
“I wanted to do that Sandor, I enjoyed it too, I like hearing you moan, feeling and seeing you come undone, knowing it’s me that does that to you, feeling that power, I loved it” she whispered then looking up at him with a nervous glint in her eye

  
“Did you, um did you like it?”

  
“Sansa, did I like it? fuck it was beyond fucking amazing” he choked out rubbing his hand over his face.

  
He started to lean over, ready to devour her, her words making him hot with need and determined to show her just how much he wanted her, needed to touch her, to kiss her, to consume her.

  
However, a knock at the door swiftly put an end to that “San you guys coming out, let’s have a drink on the balcony” he heard Brienne call from the other side of the door 

  
“Ok Bri, be out in a sec” she called back

  
“Fucking hell” he grumbled, turning to see her grinning at him

  
“We have plenty of time” she cooed giving him one last passionate kiss before checking herself in the mirror while he got his clothes back on, then pulling him out the door.

  
The night was going well as they all sat on the balcony, having a few drinks before dinner was ready, which was meant to be Arya’s night to cook, so no one seemed surprised when there was a knock at the door, everyone assuming it was take out, when the loud booming voice of Tormund filled the room he looked at Sansa who had noticeable gone a little rigid and was taking a long sip of her wine.

  
“Hey crew” the big ginger called from the door waving at everyone, Arya jumping to her feet 

  
“Tormy where the fuck have you been, haven’t seen you for ages, it’s been weird as hell without you around here” the dark haired girl shouted with a mock scolding tone, moving into hug the man, in a surprising show of affection that Sandor hadn’t seen her give to many.

  
The big ginger had eyes on Sansa who had eyes anywhere but.

  
“I’ve just had some things to take care of, sorry guys” he said stepping back from Arya’s hug and rubbing his hands of his face, looking tense

  
“Hey San” he said looking at her, like he had a lot more to say but wouldn’t.

  
Sandor watched as Sansa looked up at him nodding “hey” she replied with none of the usual spunk she normally reserved just for him.

  
Everyone had gone quiet, feeling the lively atmosphere that existed just 5 minutes ago, get flushed down the toilet, tense awkwardness replacing it.

  
There was a second knock and as suspected it was a Chinese delivery man with enough food to probably feed half of China, Sandor shot Arya a look as he arranged all the dishes on the table so they could help themselves, grinning she looked up at him  
“What I like choices” she laughed, he raised an eyebrow at her and continued taking lids of the little plastic dishes and displaying them.  
Dinner seemed to be going ok, everyone was making conversation and trying to ignore the elephant in the room that was Tormund and Sansa’s Icey cold approach to one another.

  
Sandor started doing the dishes, while Sansa picked a up a tea towel and began drying and stacking them on the bench. 

  
She had barely said a word since Tormund had arrived, it was starting to annoy him, why couldn’t they just bloody talk it out and get it behind them.   
Sighing he looked over at her “Everything ok little bird?” he asked handing her a wet plate she smiled up at him leaning in for a kiss and rubbing her nose on his, just as Tormund walked in with more dishes “Shit sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt” he said placing the dirty dishes on the bench, turning to leave.

  
“You didn’t interrupt you have to actually be around to interrupt” he heard Sansa snap _oh shit here we go_, wondering what was going to unfold he turned to see Tormund stopped in his tracks his back still to her.

  
“San, I told you, I’ve just had some stuff to sort out, can’t you just give me that” he snapped back, turning to look at her

  
“Give you time? Yeah, I could give you time, I would be happy to give you time, but you didn’t tell me anything, you just up and disappeared” she gritted through her teeth.

  
Everyone seemed to have turned their heads from where they were in various sections of the dining and living room, to face the 2 red heads., he heard Arya says something to Brienne and saw Brienne nod, like they were happy these two were finally going to nut whatever the fuck this was out. 

  
Sandor breathed a sigh of relief realizing that he wasn’t the only one who had noticed that something was amiss here, and no doubt the girls had missed the big ginger, they both seemed to be especially fond of him, Arya in particular had made no secret she favored him over Sandor.

  
“San, why are you so mad, you have the big fella back, you should be happy, I’m happy for you, why is this such a big fucking deal” he said raising his voice in what sounded like frustration at the end.

  
“Fuck you Tormund, you think you can just extract yourself from my life, why because I’m seeing Sandor now that makes it ok, you can just go, I don’t need your friendship anymore, or what you don’t need me anymore? you can just, just leave, since I’m so easily left it seems, you don’t think I would feel like a giant chunk is missing, like apart of me is missing, you think I wouldn’t fucking notice” she yelled, trying to hold back her sob.

  
Sandor reached forward to put his hand on her arm, but she gently pushed it off, not yet finished.

  
“Why the fuck are you pushing me away, why are you shutting me out?, why didn’t you tell me about that women at the gym, why when I asked you about it did you freeze me out, leave me cold, not answer my calls, cold answers to my texts, why?” she asked her arms now folded over her chest.

  
Tormund was looking down at his feet; Sandor was pretty sure that he was trying to get a handle on his emotions and the dressing down his little bird had just given him. _Been there_

  
When he looked up, the tears were evident in his eyes

  
“Fuck San, I don’t fucking know what I’m doing, FUCK!” he yelled rubbing his hand over his face, trying to rid himself of the tears that had burst out, exiting out the doors and onto the balcony. 

  
“Shit” he heard Sansa whisper as she put the plate down on the bench and followed him out.

  
Sandor watched as she walked out onto the balcony turning to look at him, a gentle look on her face, before she closed the door behind her.

“Well thank god for that” Arya called

  
“Yeah I got to say I don’t think I could take anymore sad Sansa missing her boyfriend around here” Gendry added, then clearing his voice looking at Sandor  
“When I say boyfriend it’s just this weird inside joke, they have that we don’t get, but you hear it enough you just go along with it” he spluttered obviously worried he had upset him.

  
“Its fine, I don’t pretend to understand their friendship, but I know it’s no threat to me, well mostly, its apart of her and since I want her, I have to accept him I guess” he rasped 

  
“I’m fucking happy they are bloody talking too, between him being weird at the gym and her being quiet at home, it was getting fucking annoying” he grumbled.

  
Arya and Brienne burst out laughing, Sandor looked up at them “What?” he asked the two

  
“No its nothing it’s just so nice to hear you sort of imply that Sansa gets annoying, you always look at her like she is heaven sent or can’t do anything wrong, it’s nice to hear you say she can be fucking annoying” Arya laughed, Brienne nodding in agreeance.

  
“Hey, your sister is sent from heaven, but she’s not all angel” he smirked thinking of the mind-blowing head he had received when he first arrived.

  
“Well by the look on your face you have crossed into something perverted, so I will just leave you with that” Arya waved her finger in a circle around his face, getting up to walk away while he grinned to himself, reliving the images in his head, getting semi hard thinking about what he planned on doing to his little bird next chance he got.


	12. It's Not Forgetting

**Chapter 12 – It’s not forgetting**

  
Sansa sat on the chair behind Tormund, as he leaned over the railing on the balcony, he was looking out over the city.

  
She decided to wait until he spoke, figured she had all night, she hadn’t meant to explode the way she did in the kitchen, seeing his face before he walked out, made her feel terrible, he looked completely lost, she wanted to take him in her arms and make it all go away. 

  
But knowing from her own experience, that’s not how it works, you have to talk, to communicate your feelings, so you can work through them, bottling them up and pushing them away never did anyone any good, so she decided to stick to her plan and wait for him to talk.

  
“You know when I married Sarah, I thought this is it, you’ve made it, you have hit the jackpot, I couldn’t believe my luck, I had found the women for me, she was everything I ever wanted and I couldn’t believe she wanted me back you know, I thought I was dreaming and for a while there I was constantly afraid id wake up to find it really was all a dream” he stopped, she could hear the shake in his voice followed by a deep breath.

  
And now, now, I feel like I just want to wake up, like this is the fucking nightmare, she’s gone and no matter how many fucking years it’s been, I cant seem to accept that, to not still wish that she were here” she heard him sniff, and saw his hand come up and quickly wipe his face.

  
“I met you, and god San we hit it off, in everyway but one” he chuckled, she let out a laugh too, he was trying to lighten the mood, he always did that when he felt it was getting to heavy.

  
“and I love you, you gotta know that” he said turning to look at her, she smiled nodding, feeling a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

  
He moved to sit next to her reaching for her hand lacing his fingers with her and continuing to look straight ahead.

  
“I thought I would be content you know, to have our friendship as it stood, my beautiful memories of my Sarah, I would be happy and I am a lot of the time, I know I have a good life, more than a lot people have, I, I know I’m lucky, its just, it’s just” he squeezed her hand, as if giving her permission to help him get the words out, she squeezed his hand back

  
“You’re lonely” she whispered looking at him

  
She felt him lean forward taking her hand with him, one hand over his face.

  
“Fuck! I’m sorry” he sobbed, as she stood to stand in front of him then moved to kneel to his level “Torm, don’t do that, don’t apologize, its ok” she said taking his face in her hands, making him look her in the eye.

  
“it’s ok to move on, you’re not betraying Sarah and you won’t lose me” she smiled when he finally made eye contact, she continued  
“When I was in the accident and I dreamed of Sarah or whatever that was, I still don’t understand it myself, she wanted you to be happy, you have her blessing to be happy with someone else, moving on is not forgetting or replacing, you are simply living your life to make it the best you can, and that is how you honor Sarah” she said, taking a deep breath to steady her voice

  
“and me, I’m not going anywhere, you have me for life whether you want me or not, you saw me in there yelling at you, swearing like a sailor I’m very passionate about my boyfriend” she grinned, seeing him smirking back at her 

  
“So don’t you ever shut me out again ok, I’m here and you can tell me anything” she whispered remembering how she has felt without him this past week.

  
Standing up, because her knees were getting sore, she perched on one of his knees, putting her hand on his shoulder

  
“San, I’m sorry for pushing you away, when I saw you that day and realized you had seen me attempting to, god, flirt, I just felt stupid, then guilty, I didn’t know what was going on in my head” he sighed

  
Sansa laughed “Tormund! That’s why you talk to me, then I tell you what’s going on and if on the rare occasion I don’t know, we figure it out together, that’s what we do, its why your my boyfriend, I’m your girlfriend, its why we are best friends” she said it in a tone leaving now room for debate.

  
“and besides from what I saw you were doing a great job of flirting, as an innocent bystander spying on you, you were flirting your socks off” she laughed, watching his face erupt into a huge grin.

  
“yeah well I haven’t spoken to her since, been going out my way to avoid her actually” he said quietly shaking his head.

  
“I’m sure you can fix it, she seemed like she liked you, I have no idea why though” she teased poking her tongue out at him.

  
“yeah maybe, couldn’t hurt to get back out there” he sighed 

  
“Exactly, and if you ever feel lost, or overwhelmed, we talk, we figure it out, whether we yell, cry, laugh or scream at each other” she smiled 

  
“Torm, I don’t ever, want us to push each other away” she whispered, leaning in to kiss his cheek, feeling him nod in agreeance.

  
When the door to balcony swung open and Arya popped her head out with her hands up in the air as if surrendering 

  
“Just making sure no one has killed anyone, or no one has jumped off the balcony” she grinned, looking relaxed seeing Sansa sitting on Tormund’s knee.

  
“Arya, for fucks sake” Sansa heard the unmistakable growl of the one and only Sandor, she watched him push past the girl, and try not steer at Sansa place on Tormund’s knee.

  
Tormund obviously noticing the look in the man’s eye, gently stood, placing a kiss on her head and letting go of her hand.

  
“Yep all is good, I lost the plot temporarily, but I have been talked off the ledge and we are fairly certain I will make a full recover” he boomed out, making Sansa laugh and easing the tension with Sandor at the same time.

  
“Well good, we missed you and Sansa was fucking annoying as hell without you around” Arya grinned at Sandor, Sansa looked to Sandor noticing him roll his eyes at her younger sibling.

  
“Well I think I need a drink; can I interest anyone else” The big Ginger asked, looking at Sandor with raised eyebrows.

  
“Yeah ok, sounds good” the man rasped as he pulled Sansa into his arms, she could feel him smelling her hair, which made her smile to herself.

  
“We will be in, in a sec” she called as she watched Arya and Tormund walk inside, Arya chatting the big mans ears off about something on Netflix

  
“Everything ok?” she heard Sandor ask, then placing a kiss on her forehead.

  
“Yeh I think so, sorry about what happened back in the kitchen and when you walked out here, um”

  
He cut her off, with his finger to her lips “Little bird, its ok, don’t explain” he sighed “so” he said looking out over the balcony “Was it about his wife?” 

  
Sansa was stunned, “How did you know about his wife?” she asked taken completely by surprise at his question.

  
Sandor continued to look away “He told me when we spoke that time, before he told me he wasn’t a threat to our relationship” he looked down at her, a gentle look in his eyes

  
Smiling back at him she reached up to kiss him “yeah it was, he is just a bit lost at the moment, stuck between wanting to move on and not knowing if he can, it’s a pretty big step” she whispered

  
Sandor grunted, letting her know he agreed with her “I cant imagine what he goes through, god if I ever lost you like that, I don’t think I would survive it” he rasped his voice coming out thick.

  
She blinked away the tears in her eyes at his words pulling him closer to her so she could lay her head on his chest “What else did he tell you?” 

  
“Well he also told me you two had done things together” he grunted, sounding like just saying the words made him physically ill.

  
“WOW, hmmmm well yes, but” she stuttered _really Tormund why_.. she thought to herself before he pulled her away to look at her

  
“Sansa it’s not like I didn’t already kind of know or suspect at the least and its really none of business and now we are , well what this is becoming, I want you to know I trust you and I plan on gaining your trust again” letting out a breath, still looking at her 

  
“I love you little bird”

  
She couldn’t believe what he said, her heart felt like it might burst with how much she loved him in that moment, she reached up and kissed him with all the passion she felt in that moment, pulling away to look into his eyes

  
“I love you too, and what this is, is us becoming us again” she smiled leaning into rest her forehead on his chest.

“Say it again” she heard him growl

  
Looking up at him smiling “Sandor Clegane I love you, I’m in love with you” she heard him growl and his lips were on her, consuming her, pulling his lips away   
“again” she giggled “I love you” she sung, feeling his hands in her hair and his lips back on her, there bodies rubbing against one another, like they couldn’t get close enough to one another.

  
Out of breath she felt his lips to her ear “god what you do to me” he breathed, she giggled, come on my love lets go get that drink, she smirked at the disappointed look on his face as they walked back inside.


	13. Dirty Dirty Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is mostly if not all SMUT

**Chapter 13 – dirty, dirty, dirty**

  
**SC – hey little bird**

  
**SS – hey my big man**

**SC – big man?**

  
**SS – well from what I saw the other night the name fits, makes me lick my lips just thinking about it**

  
**SC – you are going to be the death of me,**

  
**SS – oh I’m sorry baby, shall I keep my thoughts about how big and delicious you are to myself?**

  
**SC – Sansa, I have a meeting in 10 minutes and right now I’m sitting at my desk rock hard**

  
**SS – if I was there maybe I could help you with that, ease it a little, would you like that?**

  
**SC – Fuck women**

  
**SS – Maybe I could walk into your office, in heals and a high waisted skirt, white blouse with too many buttons undone, sit on your lap and reveal … oh no I forgot to wear panties 😉**

  
**SC – FUCK! Where are you? I’m on my way**

  
**SS – oh baby, what’s wrong, do you need help with something?**

  
**SC – how would you help me?**

  
**SS – I have two scenarios in mind – choose option1 or option2 and I’ll tell you**

  
**SC – Option2**

  
**SS – I walk into your office, blind fold you while you sit at your desk, remove your pants, I start at your lips kissing you, my tongue in your mouth, I move my lips to your ear, whisper how much I need you, how wet I am for you, taking your hand so you can feel for yourself, then I move my lips down your neck , your chest licking and kissing, I reach your pants, I remove them, releasing your big hard cock.**

  
**SC – FUCK SANSA! Don’t fucking stop there**

  
**SS – my wet hot mouth is on your throbbing cock, I suck and lick until you can’t take it anymore, then…**

  
**SC – Sansa I swear to god women**

  
**SS - oh sorry baby I gotta go, love you**

  
**SC – what the fuck, you can’t do that**

  
**SC – SANSA?**

  
“Hey, you got a sec” Sandor looked up 

  
“No Bronn, get the fuck out” he yelled at the man, who was now standing in front of his desk.

  
“What the hells up your ass, thought you were meant to be happy now, your all loved up with Sansa” he grinned at the man

  
“Fuck” Sandor groaned 

  
“I am fucking happy, we are just taking things slow and” he stopped trying to stop imagining Sansa’s option 2 in his head, so his cock would go soft think unsexy thoughts, grandmas, Bronn naked he willed to himself, looking up to see Bronn holding in his laughter

  
“I see, they are blue are they” the man laughed

  
“fuck off” he growled, feeling annoyed

  
“Ok well, moving on” Bronn chuckled 

  
“You many need to head back to Japan in a weeks’ time, they only want you, it will be for ten days, but we need you on this Sandor it’s a big account and we can’t loose it” Bronn said letting Sandor know there was really no room for argument

  
Rubbing his hands over his face “Yeh I got the email, I figured I would have to go, fuck, this is the worst timing, but I will make it work” he grumbled

  
“That’s a boy and hey they say distance makes the heart grow founder, so you never know” he winked at him before walking out 

  
“Fuck off Bronn” Sandor called throwing his stapler in his direction, making the man laugh.

  
Sandor knew Japan was important to the business and it was also a project that was important to him, something he was proud of, so he didn’t want to see anyone else handle it anyway.

  
Telling Sansa maybe a different matter, he worried that it was too soon to be discussing him going away for work, he knew it would play on her mind and her insecurities about him leaving her, she hadn’t confessed them, but he knew they were there and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize them, they had come so far god she was sending him messages daily that almost had him coming in his pants like a green boy with his first girl.

  
Sighing to himself, he decided they would have to just talk about it, he vowed to himself he would always be honest with her, even if was something she didn’t want to hear.

**SC – dinner tonight?**

  
**SS -Yes, yours or mine?**

  
**SC – mine **

  
**SS – ok I’ll see you then**

  
**SS - maybe I’ll leave my panties at home 😉**

  
Groaning out loud, she will definitely be the death of me, he thought standing, readjusting his crotch and heading out.

  
**SC – if your trying to kill me, it’s working**

He typed as he waited in the lift.

  
**SS – I have no idea what you mean, I would never want to kill such a big strong hard man**

  
**SC – leave the panties and the bra at home, just wear one of my shirts and your high heals**

  
**SS – What will I get if I comply with this request?**

  
**SC – what would you like?**

  
Two can play at this little bird, he smiled to himself, as he walked through the lobby, his briefcase held firmly to the front of his pants.

  
**SS- you lift me up on your kitchen bench, rip open the shirt and lay me down , kissing my lips, sucking on my nipples, listening to me moan your name, moving your lips south , over my stomach, at which point I open my legs wide for you**

  
Fuck he thought as he got in the car, ready to take himself in his hand right then and there, he could feel the beads of pre cum dampening his boxers, she is better at this than me.

  
**SC – where are you?**

  
**SC – Tell me now!**

  
**SS – about to get into my car**

  
**SC – stay there, don’t move, I’m on the way**

  
**SS – Sandor?**

  
His phone started ringing, he clicked the accept button on his steering wheel “Sansa” he rasped surprised his voice still worked, he was that worked up

  
“baby is everything ok” she purred into the phone

  
He growled “Sansa, I’m going to be there in about 6 minutes, you will get in my car and we are going home”

  
He heard her giggle “Yes baby, hope you’re ok, you don’t sound yourself”

  
“3 minutes, I’ll be there in 3 minutes” he said, trying to focus

  
“I can’t wait to see you baby” she said in husky voice that suggested she was just as turned on as he was.

  
Sandor pulled his truck up next to where Sansa’s car was parked, she jumped in, leaning forward to kiss his check, turning his head so she met his lips instead, he noted her buttons undone on her blouse and when she sat back down her skirt sat a lot shorter up her long legs, she looked at him a sexy grin on her lips as she very slowing crossed her legs, causing the skirt to go even higher.

  
His hand instinctively went to her knee then up her thigh meeting the hem of her skirt, skimming under it until he was nearly to where her panties should have been, he let out a low long groan realizing she wasn’t wearing any.

  
They stopped at traffic lights and he turned to look at her, she looked at him shrugging, trying to look innocent “oops”

  
“Fuck Sansa” he muttered “you are killing baby” 

  
Grinning, she scooted closer, placing her hand on his thigh then rubbing in circular motions up to where his cock was straining against his pants, literally throbbing he was so hard, she began gently rubbing her hand over him, slowly but surely going quicker and applying more pressure with every rub.

  
He was now panting as he drove up his driveway, parking his truck roughly. 

  
He turned the key off releasing his seatbelt, then he was on her his hand in her hair, pulling her onto his lap, so she was straddling him, he heard the sides of her tight skirt rip, as she started grinding on him.

  
Suddenly he was very aware that they were about to have sex for the first time since they were back together in his truck, whilst parked in his driveway, outside of his house.

  
Shoving the door open, then grabbing her ass with both hands, he managed to get out, she wrapped her legs around his waist, kissing him relentlessly.

  
“Baby I want you so much” she purred 

  
“I’ve been wet all day thinking about you” she grinned, biting his earlobe

  
“God Sansa, I want you so bad, you have no idea what you do to me” he groaned, walking them through the front door and heading toward his bedroom, throwing her down on his bed, ripping the front of her shirt open, noting she also wasn’t wearing a bra, ripping her skirt clean off her she lay there fully exposed to him.

  
He stood back watching her as he took off his shoes, pants, boxers, shirt. Her eyelids heavy with lust, her blue eyes deep pools of need, as she lay on the bed watching him, her body arching toward him, he knew that he wasn’t going to last long, but he also thought from the way she looked, he very much doubted she would either.

  
Then she did it, she looked up at him, sitting up slightly on her elbows, her knees coming up ever so slightly and she opened her legs to him.  
He almost died right there and then at the sight of her, glistening in the light, slick and ready for him.

  
He leant over her, she pulled him closer, kissing him passionately, he worked his way down, kissing her chest , taking her breasts into his hands, pinching her nipples, listening to her moaning his name, then taking them in his mouth one at a time, as he licked and sucked.

  
With her hips thrusting up at him “Baby, I need you please” she begged him, that alone was enough for him, as he lined his tip up to her, rubbing it up and down listening to her moans getting louder, with one gentle but swift thrust he was in her, he leant over her, kissing her, but not moving, she looked up at him smiling, a smile so pure and honest, he could have made him weep.

  
He begun to move, at first slowly, but as he felt her begin to tighten around him, he begun to loose his control, feeling her contract around him, as she screamed out in pure pleasure, then the damn broke and he lost control, pounding into her wet, hot, tight core until he let out a long groan, his release finding him in the most intense way.

  
Feeling his arms and legs weakening, he rolled gently to his side taking her with him, keeping them still connected.

  
He bought his arms around her, placing gentle kisses on her neck and shoulders.

  
“I love you Sansa” he whispered

  
“I love you too” he heard her say as she rested back against him.

  
Closing their eyes, it wasn’t long until sleep found them both. 

  
A couple hours, Sandor woke to find Sansa laying next to him, running her fingers through his hair, scratching her nails over his scalp in a way that made his whole body tingle, rolling so she was under him, he begun kissing her again, slow, gentle, passionate, running his hands down her neck and over her shoulders then back through her hair, they got lost in one another, it was as if no one else existed, he entered her slowly, kissing her as he made his thrust slow and deep, hoping that every move he made, expressed to her how much he loved her, how he would do anything for her, making love to Sansa Stark was the sweetest thing there was his last functional thought before he gave himself fully to her.

  
“Sansa, this, me and you, I want you to know, I want it all, everything your willing to give me, I want it all” he rasped laying there holding her, there bodies sweaty, yet overwhelmingly relaxed.

  
She was running her fingers over his arm that was wrapped around her waist.

  
“I love you Sandor, you are my forever” he could hear the smile in her voice, and he pulled her closer to him kissing her on the shoulder

  
They lay there happily, until he heard Sansas stomach, a low gurgling sound alerting them to the fact it was probably passed dinner time.

  
He heard her giggle “I think I’m hungry, shall we get up and get something to eat?” she asked rolling toward him biting her lip, while looking at him, with a look in her eyes that said, she didn’t want to leave the bed.

  
“You keep biting your lip like that, we won’t be going anywhere” he growled leaning down to kiss her and then swiftly getting up and throwing on his boxers.

  
He turned around to see her laying on her back, naked as her name day, watching him, smirking he said, “See something you like lass?” 

  
Biting her lip, she nodded, getting up, walking dangerously close to him as she walked into the bathroom.

  
God I’m so fucked, she has me hook, line and sinker and I’m so fucking happy about it he thought as he walked into kitchen to make them dinner.


	14. It Will End in heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of drama, when people are afraid the don't tend handle things well, Sansa lets fear take her a bit in the chapter and in turn Sandor is well Sandor.

**Chapter 14 – It will end in heartbreak**

  
**SS – How’s your day?**

  
**SC – busy as fuck, I need to go away for work next week**

  
**SS – oh ok**

  
**SC – Little Bird I know its shitty timing, I wanted to talk about it last night, but well last night was too amazing to talk about work, sorry.**

**SS- its ok, where you off to?**

  
**SC – Japan, 10 days or so, leave in a week**

  
**SS – ok**

  
**SC – you alright little bird?**

  
Sansa was looking down at the phone, her heart beating a million miles per minute, she was panicking, Is this a repeat of before? She thought trying to breath, _don’t be stupid, he has to go for work, he’s not leaving foreve__r, this isn't that_, she tried to council herself.

  
**SS – where are you? I need to talk**

  
**Boyfriend – home, what’s wrong? **

  
**SS – Sandor has to go to Japan for work**

  
**Boyfriend – ok? need more information**

  
**SS – we had sex last night for the first time since we got back together and now he’s going away for work**

  
**Boyfriend – well, its part of his job right?**

  
**SS – can I come over after work? **

  
**Boyfriend – of course**

  
**SS – see you soon**

  
**Boyfriend – dinner?**

  
**SS – yes plz**

  
Sansa finished up at work and left, driving to Tormund’s place, he lived out of town in a renovated 3 bedroom house that was beautiful, she had helped him look for houses when he was in the market, when he decided he was moving out of his apartment in town, he loved having his own space and plenty of it, the house was surrounded with great big trees, he had big thick hedges up either side of his long driveway, it really was like you were visiting another country, it had that other world feel, she made a mental note to try and spend more time here.

  
Using her key, she walked straight in, throwing her bag on the hall table, and kicking off her heals at the door, before heading into his all white open plan kitchen, it was amazing with its island bench, and white marble bench tops, so light and so pretty.

  
“Torm, where are you?” she called

  
“Back here” she heard him call from down the hall

  
Walking down the hall past the office and spare bedrooms, she found him towel around his hip, going through his chest of draws looking for clothes.

  
“hey, sorry just had a quick shower, been working outside this afternoon, trying to work out a spot to plant a vegetable patch” he said as he found some clothes walking back into his bathroom to get changed.

  
Jumping up on the bed and looking up at the ceiling, she wondered if her and Sandor would ever have a house with a vegetable patch _stop daydreaming Sansa, you’re here because your convinced he’s going to go to Japan and never come home._

  
Tormund walked out, drying off his hair, catching her looking at him “look here girlfriend you had your chance at this” he laughed as she threw a pillow at his head.

  
“Come on let’s make dinner, you can tell me all about the big fella, Little Bird” he laughed making his voice rasp as he said Little Bird

  
Rolling her eyes at him, she followed him back into the kitchen pulling up at seat at the breakfast bar, watching as Tormund poured her a glass of her favorite red wine and then poured one for himself.

  
“So, what’s for dinner?” she asked avoiding the subject she was there to discuss

  
“Vegetable frittata?” he said raising his eyebrows, as if to check that was suitable, she took a sip of her wine and nodded “And if you’re lucky ill make that white chocolate moose you like” he winked at her making her clap her hands excitedly.

  
“Ok out with it” he said as he started chopping vegetables pushing the eggs and whisker towards her.

  
“We had sex last night, we hadn’t done that yet and it was really great you know, then today he text me and said he’s really busy at work and off to Japan next week for ten days or so” she sighed when she saw him looking at her, sensing him needing more information

  
“Well last time, before, we had sex, it was really, really great and then he never really messaged and when he did he said work was busy and then that was it, I never saw him again for lie two years” she whispered the last part, feeling her chest ache just hearing the words spoken out loud.

  
“So, you think this is a repeat of that?” he asked

  
“Maybe, I don’t know, yes” she admitted, taking a big gulp of her wine, drinking until she finished the glass, then getting off her seat to fill her glass again.

  
“Well what did he say about it?” he asked eyeing her as she took another huge gulp of her wine.

  
“He asked if I was ok, I didn’t really reply, I don’t want to lie, so I figured, I would just leave it till I had my head around it” she said, thinking she was already feeling the effects of this wine in her legs.

  
“Do you trust him?” Tormund asked, mixing the vegetables in with the eggs.

  
Sansa watched as he did it, lost in thought, that’s was a good question, did she trust him, did she believe him.

  
“Ill take the wine away, if you don’t answer” he grinned pretending to take her glass, she quickly snatched it back and took another big mouthful

  
“I don’t know, shit, I don’t know” she said louder, jumping to her feet, nearly falling over when her legs didn’t work as quickly as they normally did, grabbing the bench to steady herself, she watched Tormund quickly dart toward her when he thought she was going to fall.

  
“Shit San” he hissed worry on his face, as he stopped when he saw she was ok.

  
“I’m alright, sorry I’m alright” she began pacing the kitchen, glass of wine in hand.

  
She heard Tormund’s phone ring 

  
“hey Arya”

  
“yeh she’s here with me, oh is he, um hang on a sec”

  
“San, its Arya” he said handing her his phone

  
“Hey” she said

  
“Hey, umm Sandor’s here, did you guys have plans or something?”

  
“No, not that I was aware of” she replied sheepishly

  
“ok hang on” Arya replied

  
“Sandor here talk to her” she heard Arya say _shit_

  
“Little Bird” he rasped

  
“Hi” she replied, he voice higher than normal

  
“Where are you, I came over thought we could do dinner or a movie or something”

  
“Oh sorry, I came out to Tormund’s after work, he’s cooking dinner, so yeh” she said, looking up at the ceiling, praying it would fall on her to end this conversation

  
“ok, well I can pick you up after dinner if you want” he asked sounding disappointed

  
“That’s ok, no doubt we will talk late” she whispered

  
“Sansa, about today, about Japan, we need to talk about it more” he rasped 

  
There was a long pause

  
“Sansa” he whispered sounding sad

  
“Ok yep, lets talk, ill call you tomorrow” she said quickly, trying to disguise any emotion

  
“Sansa”

  
“yeh”

  
“I love you”

  
“me too” she sighed

  
“night”

  
She heard him take a deep breath “Night little bird”

  
Sansa handed Tormund the phone, and then drunk the rest of her wine, handing it to him for a refill.

  
Handing her another glass he held onto it when she went to take it from him, making her look at him “Don’t shut him out San, you know how shitty that feels, don’t stop being the caring person you are because you're afraid” he gave her a kiss on the forehead and let her have the glass.

  
Dinner was good, and after that they changed the subject of conversation, reminiscing about old times and laughing, as they finished a few bottles of wine between them, Sansa decided she would stay the night. 

  
They sat in the lounge listening to music and chilling out.

  
Sansa grabbed her phone from her purse.

  
3 missed calls from Sandor, from earlier on

  
A message from

**Arya – well that was awkward, I thought he was going to burst into tears in our lounge San, what’s going on there?**

  
2 messages from Sandor.

  
**SC – hey little bird, hope you’re ok, I love you**

  
**SC – let me know when you are home safe.**

  
Sansa decided to ignore Arya’s message she would see her tomorrow. Opening her message tab she decided she would reply to Sandor

  
**SS – Going to stay here tonight, talk tomorrow x**

  
**SC – I can come and get you**

  
**SS – that’s ok, I’ve had too much wine and just want to go to bed **

  
**SC – whose bed?**

  
**SS – what does that mean?**

  
**SC – whose bed are you sleeping in tonight?**

  
Sansa looked at the phone, she couldn’t believe him, she felt mad at him, how dare he say that, accuse her of what exactly? 

  
She looked over at Tormund watching the movie, chuckling to himself when Jim Carey turns down the bus load of bikini models, they were watching Dumb and Dumber, one of her and Tormund’s go to movies on movie nights.

  
She felt her phone vibrating , Sandor was calling, she didn’t feel like having an argument tonight so she let it go to voicemail, tossing her phone on the lamp table next to her, she looked up and the credits were rolling, she noticed Tormund’s eyes were closed.

  
Getting up off the couch, she gave him a shake “Come on bed” she whispered when he opened his eyes.

  
Pushing his arms above his head in a big stretch “You staying?” he asked followed by a yawn.

  
“Yeh, that ok” she asked

  
“Of course, come on” he said getting to his feet and turning everything off as he made his way down the hall towards the bedrooms.

Sansa followed him into his room, and he turned to look at her 

  
“Want a t shirt to sleep in?” he going into his closet when she nodded, chucking a ruby red shirt in her direction, she walked into his bathroom, opening the drawer where she knew he kept a spare toothbrush, she got changed and brushed her teeth, walking out and getting into bed.

  
“San, I don’t think, you sleeping in here with me is a good idea” he said rolling to his side to look at her.

  
“Its fine, night boyfriend” she whispered and signaled for him to switch off the light, not taking long to fall asleep.

  
The sound of beeping woke her up, followed by groaning, “fucking hell” she heard Tormund curse as he switched off his alarm “Sorry San” he whispered, and she felt him reach out and rub her back.

  
She didn’t hear him get up and get ready, she did feel him give her a quick kiss on the forehead when he left for work, then she fell back into a deep sleep.

  
The next sound she heard was banging on the front door, loud heavy banging.

  
She slowly opened her eyes, throwing her feet over the side of the bed and slowly walked towards the front door, flinging it open to see Sandor standing there, looking her up and down.

  
“Hey” she said sleepily “What time is it?” she asked looking around for a clock

  
“7:45am” he answered, not saying anything else

  
“oh, wow” _god my head hurts_

  
She walked back towards the kitchen, switching on the coffee machine and opening the fridge to get a juice.

  
“You want a juice?” she asked him

  
“no” he answered

  
“coffee then?” she asked this time meeting his eyes

  
“No” he replied

  
“Are we doing more than one-word answers today? Or is that also a No” she snapped back

  
“At least I answer your questions, when you ask them” he replied, looking furiously at her.

  
“Well when I’m asked stupid questions, I don’t bother answering” she returned starting to feel angry now.

  
“Where did you sleep last night?” he asked 

  
“I slept here; you know that” she spat

  
“No which bedroom, which bed” he said moving closer to her

  
“I slept next to Tormund in his bed” she said, keeping her voice calm and steady

  
The next thing she heard was Sandor slamming his fist down on the kitchen bench “FUCK” he yelled, turning back to look at her

  
“Why” he asked looking at her

  
“Because he’s a my friend, I’ve slept next to him hundreds of times, why are you being weird about it” she demanded, starting to feel really mad at him, she had never given him a reason not to trust her, she had never hidden anything from him.

  
“Did you fuck him” he spat looking her up and down

  
“What, of course not” she yelled back at him, feeling wounded as if he had shot her.

  
“Well I walk in here find you in his shirt, half asleep, clearly fucking hung over, what did you want me to think” he rasped

  
“I came over, to talk to him about us, I needed advice, which he gave me, I drunk too much wine, borrowed a t. shirt to sleep in, slept next to him like I have a million times before, because he’s my best friend, but no I didn’t wake up during the night, roll over and fuck him, I can’t believe you would even say that” she hissed, wiping angry tears from her face, continuing…

  
“You know when you said you trusted me, I believed you, I have never given you a reason not to, I’m sorry if I didn’t reply to you yesterday or last night, but I needed some time to think, now I think you should just go, so I can get my stuff together and go home before I have to be at work” she sniffed, looking over at him, his face looking sad.

“Sansa” he rasped

  
“Just go Sandor, ill call you later” she sighed 

Walking into work, she finally had a chance to check her phone.

  
**Boyfriend – hey I saw Sandor at gym this morning, gave him my address to come see you, hope that’s ok, he looked a wreck.**

  
**SS – oh he turned up and after accusing me of having sex with you, I asked him to leave.**

  
**Boyfriend – Oh shit**

**SS- yep**

  
**Boyfriend – see you later? I’ll come over**

  
**SS – yeh sounds good, my head hurts too much wine**

  
**Boyfriend – Alco**

  
**SS – shut up**

Sansa was finally starting to feel better after lunch, amazing what a greasy lunch can do, she thought.

Pulling out her phone she thought she better send Sandor a text, she didn’t want to punish him, that wasnt who she was, but she also didnt want to say things in the heat of the moment that couldnt be unheard, she was annoyed as hell at him for this morning, but she felt maybe she didn’t handle hearing the Japan news very well either so they needed to talk, bottom line she loved him, even though he made her so mad sometimes.

  
**SS – hey, about this morning, can we talk?**

  
It had been 3 hours and he hadn’t replied, sighing she picked up her phone.

  
**SS – hey, did you want to talk after work? I want to figure this out.**

  
Another hour and half went by and still no answer, she started to get a little worried, so thought she would call his office, to make sure everything was ok.  
“Kings Architecture” the receptionist answered

  
“hi, I was wondering if I could please speak with Sandor Clegane” Sansa asked

  
“Mr. Clegane is out of the country at the moment, may I take a message?” 

  
Sansas heart stopped, she almost couldn’t get her reply out.

  
“Oh, that’s ok, can you tell me where he’s gone please” she stuttered

  
“Can I ask who this is” the receptionist enquired

  
“Its Sansa Stark” she replied, quietly

  
“He flew out to Tokyo this afternoon Miss Stark”

  
“Do you know when he will be back?” she asked, holding her breath

  
“No return date as yet noted, but that’s not unusual for Mr. Clegane” she replied

  
“Thank you” Sansa answered, hanging up the phone, picking up her bag and walking out of the office

  
She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing, the tears now were streaming down her face, she could barely breath as her chest started heavy great big enormous sobs radiating through her body.

  
She made it down to her car, trying to focus on her breathing she pulled out her phone and put it on speaker

  
“Hey Sis”

  
“Arya” Sansa sobbed into the phone

  
“Sansa what the hell, what’s wrong” she shouted down the phone

  
“I need you to come and get me, I’m at work, in my car”

  
“OK sissy I’m coming, I’m just at the gym, with Torm, he’s going to come too, here talk to him while I drive”

  
“San” she heard Tormund’s voice on the line thick with worry.

  
“He’s, he’s gone, he left for Japan today, I messaged him and he didn’t, he didn’t reply, so I called his office and, and the lady said he flew to Japan today” she sobbed, wailing down the phone

  
“San, breath, deep breaths ok, just breath” Tormund’s voice trying to soothe her.

  
They pulled up in Arya’s car, both jumped out in a hurry pulling her into a group hug, holding her close as she began uncontrollably sobbing again.

  
“Why did he go without telling me?” she asked out loud, to no one 

  
“Why did he leave me again” she cried, herchest felt like it had literally been stabbed, she expected to look down and see her shirt drenched in blood, the pain was so literal.

  
Tormund drove Sansa back to her place in her car, Arya following behind in her car.

She walked up into the house, passed Brienne and Jamie who sat on the sofa and straight into her room, kicking off her shoes and climbing into bed, she felt Arya get in next to her, pulling her into an embrace, Sansa let the grief take over her body and she let the big ugly sobs come out.


	15. Home truths

**Chapter 15 – Home Truths**

**SC – hey, sorry I just got these, we had a change of plan at work, I had to leave for Japan today, I was going to call, but I know you needed space so I thought I should just give it to you.**

  
**SC – little Bird please talk to me, I hate this, I’ll be back in 2 weeks all going well, but we can still message and call.**

  
Sansa had woken early and was laying in bed reading the messages over and over, she was sandwiched between Arya and Brienne who had comforted her as she had cried herself to sleep last night.

  
She had been laying there listening to both women quietly snore, when she had felt for her phone under her pillow and found the messages from Sandor.  
Laying there she missed him, missed his face, missed his kisses, missed his embrace, missed the way his scent, missed the way he called her Little Bird, sighing she put the phone back under her pillow.

  
“You know, the reason for having a phone is for communication right” she heard Arya comment, looking over and seeing her sister wide eyed and watching her.

  
Last night in between crying her eyes out she had managed to tell Brienne and Arya everything that had happened, she knew both women well enough to know they had “opinions” and she would hear them, hindsight was a ridiculous thing and Sansa was able to see that she had made mistakes too, she just needed to figure out why and talking to these two was probably the only way to nut it out.

  
“I know you’re right, I just, I don’t know what to say” she sighed, moving onto her side to look at Arya.

  
“What I’m about to say, comes from love Sis, you know I don’t care about many people, and there are only a handful of people I care enough about to actually give advice or whatever to, but San, I’m going to tell you this and do with it what you will”

  
Sansa took a deep breath; it was very out of character for Arya to say anything like that, she had certainly never said anything like that to her before.

  
“Go on Arya, after you I am next, and what she said, applies to me to ok San” she looked over her shoulder and saw Brienne was awake too laying on her back looking up at the ceiling, Sansa rolled onto her back too nodding.

  
“San, you and T, it’s a connection that is special, it’s certainly something I have never had with anyone but Gendry, and I know you guys don’t do the sexual stuff, but you’re both still intimate San, it’s a closeness that has very little boundaries and I think we are all immune or just used to it in away, but the difference between us and the big man is he is your partner, your boyfriend, if the roles were reversed could you say you would handle it like him? I know I wouldn’t have, I would have lost my shit and probably walked away by now” Arya took a deep breath, making it clear she wasn’t done.

  
“And I guess that’s where I give the big man props here, San you were at Torms house, drunk, wearing his clothes, you spent the night in his bed, no matter how much trust he had in you, surely you can see how that would test anyone’s insecurities, especially given you were at odds and given that he is who he is, god he loves you ridiculously, I’m not his biggest supporter you know that, but I have watched, I’ve seen him trying when most men probably would have left, San, ….. surely you can see that too”

“I can see it” Sansa whispered

  
“Not done yet sis” Arya replied

  
“My question to you is this, and you don’t have to answer it to us here, but you do have to answer it to yourself.” Arya sat up, and looked at Sansa, her eyes were gentle yet slightly uncomfortable, no doubt because talks like these were foreign to her.

  
“San, are you in love with Tormund? Is it him you really want? Or are you afraid that Sandor will hurt you again and you are sabotaging this all on your own, still punishing him for before? You need to figure it out sis, sort out for yourself and for Sandor and maybe even Tor, I hate seeing you like this.

  
She saw Brienne sit up and felt her squeeze her hand.

  
“San, I agree with Arya, you got to sort out what you want and what you’re afraid of here, because its something, is it hurting Sandor because you DO want Tor?, Is it loosing Tor because you want Sandor? Is it you are angry and still punishing him? I hate seeing you like this, its awful. Arya is right with Tor you two are incredibly intimate, you let him all the way in San, I know its because you trust him and you guys are, gosh I don’t even get it really, but San, if you truly love Sandor and want him, figure it out before you loose him, because if it were me, I would probably have already gone” she sighed, squeezing her hand.

  
Sansa felt the tears run down her face, they were silent, her eyes closed, and she felt the two women embrace her, whispering that they loved her and that they would always be here for no matter what.

  
Laying in bed alone, she pulled out her phone and read Sandor’s messages again, it was Sandor, that’s who she wanted, it had always been him, she loved him so much and if she wanted him she needed to put him first, let him feel that, she also needed to admit to herself that she was terrified of doing that, of letting him all the way in, being vulnerable to the fact that he could still walk away or hurt her again, giving her whole self to him, meant loosing the ability to control and protect her heart.

  
She had to talk to Tormund and apologize about the other night, she knew she shouldn’t have slept in the bed with him despite knowing nothing would happen, it wasn’t fair of her to do that , she was mad at Sandor, and rebelled, she was so worried that she would lose Tormund if she fully gave her all into Sandor, but she realized she was being selfish there too, he needed to be able to find someone without their friendship creating issues, she wanted his happiness as much as her own and that was the honest truth.

* * *

Sandor had gotten Sansas messages when he had gotten off the flight in Tokyo, he had gone back and forth about whether he should have told her he had to leave that day when they had fought that morning, but she was so annoyed at him and he was so angry at her and himself he had just left.  
It was safe to say, he now regretted that.

**SC – Arya, its Sandor I’m trying to reach Sansa**

  
**Pain in the ass – How’s Japan?**

  
**SC – its fine, I need to speak to your sister, can you ask her to message me so I can call her**

  
**Pain in the ass – I can tell her**

**SC – Please Arya**

  
**Pain the ass – yep, I will.**

He still hadn’t heard from Sansa, he was beyond anxious, he had sent countless text messages, even signed up to Facebook and tried to friend her, nothing.

**SC – Arya did you tell her**

  
**Pain in the ass – yes**

  
**SC – she hasn’t messaged me**

  
**Pain in the ass – I don’t know what to tell you**

  
**SC – tell me what the fucks going on**

  
**Pain in the ass – Fine, she packed a bag and took off , left a note she wanted to clear her head, I’ve only heard from her that’s she ok, she won’t answer any questions or tell me where she is.**

  
**SC – Fuck! This is all my fault**

  
**Pain the ass – Look, its both of you, you’re both fucking annoying and need to sort your shit out.**

Sandor read the last message and threw his phone across his hotel room in frustration “FUCK” he was so mad, he couldn’t believe this, he desperately wanted to talk to her, he had even thought of flying back for three days to see her, but what was the point of that if he didn’t know where to find her.  
Walking over and picking up his phone he scrolled through till he came to the number

  
“hello Tormund speaking”

  
“Tormund it’s me, Sandor”

  
“Sandor, how can help you?” the man replied 

  
“I’m trying to contact Sansa, do you, do you know here she is, she won’t return my messages or answer my calls”

  
He heard a big loud annoyed sigh “Why didn’t you tell her you were going to Japan earlier; fucking hell you should have known she was already panicked about you going after what happened last time”

  
She said she wanted fucking space, so I was trying to give it to her, I had to go, it’s my god damn job” He all but yelled down the phone

  
“She said she wanted space, because after I gave you my address, you went over there all fucking angry and accused her of fucking me” he replied 

  
“She slept with you in your bloody bed for fucks sake, I turn up she’s in your t-shirt, god, I just, I don’t know, I’m fucking trying, surely you can see that” he sighed

  
“I wouldn’t have given you my address, telling you to go see her, knowing she didn’t know you were coming if I had just had sex with her, but……. yeh I get it and I’m sorry” he said sounding sad for him

  
“I know you’re right; I know, I was just anxious and, on the way over I turned it all around in my head, and now I can’t get hold of her” 

  
“she’s gone to clear her head, just let her figure things out and she will call you” Tormund said, with a hint of pity in his voice

  
“you know where she is then?” he rasped

  
“yeh” was all he said 

  
“tell her I love her and that’s not going to change so take all the time she needs, I’ll be waiting” he rasped, his voice shaking and then he hung up.

  
Sitting back on the bed, he closed his eyes, and pictured her face, smiling, he tried to imagine her laugh, she was his everything, he was terrified of loosing her, he had been given a second chance, surely that meant they were meant to be more, he had never felt anything like this before, never allowed himself to love, or want in this capacity, but damn it he wanted her, he wanted everything with her, the whole thing, love, marriage, family, until they grow old and beyond that if that’s what happened.

  
Reaching over to his phone, he decided he would send her one last message and then leave it in her hands, he would leave his heart and soul with her.

  
**SC – Sansa, I will love you forever, no mater what happens between us, no matter where you are or what you are doing, you can be safe in your assumption that I am in love with you and will forever be yours. Take as along as you need. **

  
Taking a deep breath, and feeling like he was going to throw up, he pushed the send button.

  
Placing the phone on his bedside table, he rolled over and closed his eyes.

  
5 minutes later he heard his phone buzz.

  
**SS – I love you**


	16. Home

**Chapter 16 – Home**

Sansa had packed a bag of things in a haze and got in her car and had just drove, she had been driving for a while before she realized she had no idea where she was going, she seemed to be just driving and circling at a loss as to where she was going or what the hell she was doing and then before she knew it she had ended up in Sandor’s driveway.

  
His house, was a rental, a nice one, filled with all the modern luxuries, it was undoubtedly paid for my by the company, and there was nothing overly “Sandor” about any of it, yet to Sansa in that moment it was a magnet, a beacon, it was all she had of him right then and there and she needed to be close to him somehow, to feel him.

  
She just sat there in her car looking at the front door, at the little box that had a spare key in it that she knew the code too, she sat there just looking and thinking.  
Her phone started ringing and she looked over to see it was Tormund.

  
“hey T” 

  
“San, hey, I didn’t know if you would pick up, how are you?”

  
“I’m, I’m, well to be honest I’m a complete mess” she laughed sounding slightly deranged

  
“OOOkay, well, where are you?”

  
“if I tell you, please don’t tell anyone”

  
“yep, just spit it out girlfriend”

  
“I’m sitting in my car, parked in Sandor’s driveway, considering if I should let myself in and stay here for a few days”

  
“Right, well that doesn’t sound stalkery at all” he laughed

  
“Don’t tell anyone ok, I think I just need to figure this all-out”

  
“Yeh San whatever you need”

  
“Hey Tor””

  
“Yeh””

  
“I’m sorry for the other night, you said I shouldn’t have slept with you and I did anyway, I’m sorry for putting you in that weird position, I just, I was selfish and “  
“San its fine, I get it, this, this friendship we have, it’s not normal, you know if normal is a thing, I mean I know that we can’t keep doing whatever we want without considering how it makes other people feel, especially those we love”

  
“you’re right, so how do we do that?” she whispered

  
She heard him laugh “Fucked if I know, but I think if we are just more aware of ourselves and I guess I will go first in saying this, I, I love you San, love you so much I would do anything for you, but I want to fall in love again and have the whole package with someone one day, I don’t want to loose what we have but we cant let it be the reason we don’t find what we want ya know”

  
Sansa smiled and felt tears running down her cheeks “Tor, I love you so much, so so much, and you are right I want you to be happy with someone and I want that for myself too, I want that with Sandor, I’m just afraid to loose our friendship and afraid of letting him in, I don’t think I would survive if I let him in and he broke my heart all over again”

  
She heard him sigh “ San we wont loose each other, we will still be the same, no one can take our friendship away or this connection we have, I’m always going to be here for you, no matter how crazy you get and Sandor you have to let yourself be all in when it comes to him, you can’t control what might or might not happen, but you don’t want to regret not trying, you don’t want to wonder what would have been”

  
She was sniffling listening to him talk, he always knew what to say to her and how to say it, she didn’t know what it was, but he could always make her understand what she needed to do, he just got her.

  
“I know, you’re right, I’m just, I’m terrified Tor, I’m so afraid of this”

  
“Take some time, get some sleep, I won’t tell anyone where you are, just do what you need to do”

  
“Ok thanks and Tor, I love you”

  
“I know, love you to San”

Sleeping in Sandor’s bed had been the best sleeps she had for awhile and on the next day, she knew it was because his scent was everywhere, she felt better being there and when her phone buzzed with a message from him, tears of happiness sprung to her eyes and for the first time she just knew she was where she was meant to be and messaging him back with “ I love you” felt like the most natural thing in the world to her.

  
2 weeks had turned into 3 weeks and 3 weeks had turned into 5 and a half, but finally Sandor was on a plane, on his way home, having secured an appropriate contact for the Tokyo project who actually lived in Tokyo, meant he wouldn’t have to do this again _Unless she doesn’t want you then you can put your hand up to move to the Antarctic so your heart can completely freeze over, you fucking idiot._

  
He and Sansa had messaged back and forth often, he always made sure to tell her what was happening with his work, when he expected to be back, her replies were always short, but he felt warmth and hoped for promise within them, it hurt beyond belief to not be able to see her, to touch her, he also continued to text both Arya and Tormund to keep them updated also, they never really told him anything in regards to what was happening with the Little Bird, but they always replied, so he took what comfort he could from that.

  
The drive from the airport to his house felt like it went in a blur, he couldn’t remember stopping at intersections or red lights, he was on auto pilot, so when he pulled up to his house and saw the lights on and Sansas car in the driveway he didn’t really know what to think.  
Walking into the house, he looked around, everything seemed pretty much as he left it, but there were subtle things, like fruit on the counter, gossip magazines on the coffee table, her perfume was everywhere.

  
Walking into his bedroom he stopped dead in his tracks at the figure curled up asleep on his side of the bed, hugging his pillow.

  
“Little Bird” he whispered as he gently pushed his fingers through her hair, watching her as she started to wake and her beautiful blue eyes opened, she looked at him, her face fell as she began to cry 

  
“Oh Sandor” she sobbed 

  
“I missed you so much, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I was just scared that, and then I was worried you would never come back and I just, I don’t think I could take it, but I feel, I feel like there has been a whole in my chest, I need you, I'm so sorry for everything, can you forgive me?” she sobbed

  
Falling on his knees in front of the bed, he pulled her towards him

  
“My beautiful little bird I know, I know, and I’m so sorry, I am never leaving you, I swear to god nothing could keep me away from you” he said as he breathed in her scent, to him it felt like coming home, he had never really known a home until she had come back into his life and he sure as hell wasn’t giving it up without a damn good fight.

  
“I love you my little bird, I love you so much, god I missed you, I’ve missed you since that morning, when I drove away after what I said, I’m so sorry, I was just so anxious and angry, let it get all twisted in my head, I was stupid”

  
She was nodding against his chest “You were stupid, because I would never do that to you, but, i, i understand it now, i was angry at you and pushing you away, I've had so much time to think, to sort my head out, I was scared to death I was losing you and I didn’t want to freak you out by being needy, but I knew, I just knew I wouldn’t survive it if you just disappeared from my life again” 

  
Moving her over and getting into bed next to her, pulling her into his arms, he held her.

  
“I’m not going anywhere Sansa, you are it for me, forever there is no one but you, there never will be another” he sighed kissing the top of her head

  
“Sandor, I love you” she whispered against his chest, her arms clutching at his shirt, like she was holding on for dear life.

  
“Let’s sleep for now” he yawned, letting his eyes close, feeling like he was going to sleep for the first time in 5 and half weeks, his eyes shut and his heart was beating in time with the beautiful women in his arms, a smile on his face knowing that she was his and he was hers. 

  
He was home, because he was with her, she was his home.


End file.
